In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or smalls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development?

nowadays, a lot of

people

Use synonyms

preffered

Correct your spelling

preferred

prefer

shopping

Change preposition

show examples

the large shopping centre rather than small local

shops

Use synonyms

Linking Words

This phenomena

Change the determiner

This phenomenon

These phenomena

show examples

can lead to

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

which

Change preposition

in which

show examples

many local

shops

Use synonyms

have closed

because

Add the preposition

because of

show examples

the decrease

Change preposition

show examples

customer

Fix the agreement mistake

customers

show examples

This

Linking Words

essay will explore the negative development

due to

Linking Words

closing

Correct article usage

the closing

show examples

local

Change preposition

of local

show examples

business

Fix the agreement mistake

businesses

show examples

To begin

Linking Words

with, many local

shops

Use synonyms

country

Add an article

the country

show examples

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

can reflect the economy of that

country

Use synonyms

in addition

Linking Words

, if local

shop

Fix the agreement mistake

shops

show examples

growth

Replace the word

grow

show examples

significantly, it can be helpful for the state revenue from the tax.

In contrast

Linking Words

, if the traditional market

decline

Correct subject-verb agreement

declines

show examples

, it can lead to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

negative

affect

Correct your spelling

effects

show examples

such

Linking Words

as increasing the number of jobless.

Additionally

Linking Words

, the local market should

be prevent

Change the verb form

be prevented

show examples

from shutdown and

making

Wrong verb form

make

show examples

it can

be compete

Change the verb form

compete

show examples

with large

shops

Use synonyms

Furthermore

Linking Words

, one of

ways

Add an article

the ways

show examples

to introduce

local

Add an article

the local

a local

show examples

brand

Use synonyms

to the world is from how many

people

Use synonyms

using

Wrong verb form

use

show examples

and

shopping

Replace the word

shop

show examples

that local

brand

Use synonyms

Additionally

Linking Words

, if many native

people

Use synonyms

use

Use synonyms

international

Add an article

the international

an international

show examples

Use synonyms

brand

Fix the agreement mistake

brands

show examples

, many

tourist

Change to a plural noun

tourists

show examples

dont

Correct your spelling

don't

attract

Verb problem

want

show examples

use

Use synonyms

local

Use synonyms

brand

Fix the agreement mistake

brands

show examples

Contrast with

Change preposition

In contrast

show examples

, if many native

people

Use synonyms

use

Use synonyms

local

Add an article

the local

a local

show examples

Use synonyms

brand

Fix the agreement mistake

brands

show examples

, a lot of

tourist

Change to a plural noun

tourists

show examples

will be more

attract

Change the form of the verb

attracted

show examples

use

Use synonyms

local

Use synonyms

brand

Fix the agreement mistake

brands

show examples

and shopping

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

local

shops

Use synonyms

In addition

Linking Words

, Because

Change preposition

apply

show examples

many

tourist

Change to a plural noun

tourists

show examples

buy a local

brand

Use synonyms

and when they back to the

country

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

can be

way

Add an article

a way

the way

show examples

to advertise the local

brand

Use synonyms

. In conclusion, many local

Use synonyms

brand

Change to a plural noun

brands

show examples

have closed

due to

Linking Words

the increase of the shopping centres.

This

Linking Words

can be

negative

Add an article

a negative

show examples

impact

Change preposition

show examples

the economy of the

country

Use synonyms

and can increase the proportion of jobless

people

Use synonyms

bagas0509.bfm

May 15, 2025

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Grammar

Work on improving sentence structure and grammar. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and pluralization, as these small issues affect clarity.

Content

Be more specific in your examples and arguments. Adding data or specific scenarios can make your points stronger.

Structure

Review paragraph structure. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next.

Content

You have identified the negative impacts of local shop closures clearly and provided a valid conclusion.

Structure

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for good coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
45
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

244 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

local economy
consumer habits
personalized service
community spirit
economic decline
job opportunities
carbon emissions
traffic congestion
one-stop shopping
cultural impact
financial implications
shopping habits
community relationships
variety of goods
unemployment

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