IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that competitive sports have advantages for people from different groups and countries, while others believe that competitive sports only create problems between people. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Sports
Use synonyms
 and physical training during the sport brings a lot of benefits to individuals. Some
people
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 believe that competitive
sports
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 have advantages for
people
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 from different groups and countries,
while
Linking Words
 there's another perspective that aggressive
sports
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 only create
problems
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 between
people
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. In my opinion, it's not the sport which causes
problems
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, it is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society's nature or tendency toward its adoption. On the one hand, competitive
sports
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 are vital for
sports
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 organizations and countries' economies. Various advertising companies,
sponsored
Wrong verb form
sponsor
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 teams and
players
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 during an event, which is a win-to-win situation for both parties, are brand is being advertised and
players
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 are receiving money.
For example
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, Habib Bank Limited has been sponsoring the Pakistan Super League for many years, and making
people
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 tempted to use their bank for different purposes.
Thus
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, competitive
sports
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 help in generating money.
On the other hand
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, the view that competitive
sports
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 only create
problems
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,
although
Linking Words
 not accurate, is not wrong. Sometimes it happens, like teams refusing to play with the host country at
chosen
Add an article
a chosen
the chosen
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 location, which ultimately results in tension between authorities.
For example
Linking Words
 in the ICC World Cup 2025, India refused to visit Pakistan, and
as a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
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 venue was shifted to Dubai. So,
sports
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does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 create some
problems
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.
Sports
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 events sometimes cause physical pressure on
players
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 which damages their health, performance and relations with other teammates. For in a cricket match, fans were trolling Kholi when he was on the field, trying to
disturbed
Change the verb
disturb
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 him mentally. As far as
,
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apply
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 I'm concerned, it's not the sport which is the reason for tension,
sports
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 are just the purpose of entertainment, it's the
people
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 and authorities related to
sports
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. In my opinion, athletes and their fans should treat any event as a source of enjoyment
instead
Linking Words
 of taking it personally and attacking each other and
players
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 , especially on online platforms.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure a clearer connection between ideas in your paragraphs. Using transitional phrases can help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
task achievement
Strengthen your introduction by briefly outlining the main points you will discuss, which will help the reader understand what to expect in your essay.
task achievement
Elaborate more on your examples; providing additional context or reasoning would enhance your arguments and make them more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
Consider refining your conclusion to summarize your key points and reinforce your opinion more clearly, ensuring it aligns well with the arguments made in the body.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced view of both sides of the argument, which is a strong aspect of your essay.
task achievement
Your examples were relevant and demonstrate an understanding of the topic, which adds credibility to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Competitive sports
  • Advantages
  • Unity
  • Friendship
  • Cultural exchange
  • Understanding
  • Physical health
  • Mental health
  • Life skills
  • Problems
  • Rivalry
  • Hostility
  • Inequality
  • Discrimination
  • Pressure
  • Stress
  • Opinion
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