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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people fails in school, but ends up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is important things to succeed in life?

While
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 some individuals fail in school.
However
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, others are being successful in
life
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. In my opinion, it is a positive development. In
this
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 essay, I will give reasons for my opinion. To commence with, the different learning styles as not all
students
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 thrive in a traditional educational environment, some may have unique talents and
skills
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 that are not recognized in a conventional school setting, leading them to find
success
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 later in
life
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.
For example
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,
Last
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 benchers
students
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 were not observed by the teachers as they got lower marks in their academic levels, but later they led successful careers with government jobs.
Moreover
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,
success
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 can often be attributed to experiences outside of academic settings,
such
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 as internships, job experiences and personal challenges that teach resilience and adaptability. Moving ahead, various
skills
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such
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 as empathy, social
skills
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, and self-awareness can be more important than academic knowledge in many aspects of
life
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, leading to
success
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 in personal relationships and careers.
For instance
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, many workshops, trainings, and awareness are conducted in the schools to aware them of various necessary things. If these camps are conducted monthly,
then
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 there would be different types of
skills
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 developed in the
students
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.
Furthermore
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,
students
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 who struggle in school develop a strong sense of creativity and a problem-solving mindset, which can foster
success
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 in business and innovation. In conclusion,
although
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 different learning styles as not all
students
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 thrive in a traditional educational environment, some may have unique talents and
skills
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. The various
skills
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such
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 as empathy, social
skills
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, and self-awareness can be more important than academic knowledge.
Therefore
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, it should be considered valuable to be successful in
life
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.

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task achievement
Try to provide a clearer thesis statement in your introduction. This will help set the stage for your arguments more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Use more connecting words and phrases to create smoother transitions between your ideas. This will improve the overall flow of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, summarize the main points more explicitly rather than repeating the introduction. This strengthens your concluding remarks.
task achievement
You presented relevant ideas about different learning styles and life skills, which adds depth to your argument.
task achievement
Your examples, such as those related to workshops and workshops, are helpful in supporting your arguments and providing clarity.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic failure
  • learning styles
  • emotional intelligence
  • resilience
  • adaptability
  • entrepreneurial spirit
  • creativity
  • problem-solving
  • networking
  • interpersonal skills
  • opportunities
  • success stories
  • self-awareness
  • innovation
  • career development
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