MANY CRIMINALS COMMIT FURTHER CRIMES AS SOON AS THEY RELEASED FROM PRISON. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest?

It is alleged that significant numbers of offenders who
released
Add a missing verb
are released
show examples
from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison tend to commit new crimes again.
This
Linking Words
essay will discuss the main reason for the problem is the poor functioning of rehabilitation centres and the influence of criminal networks. To address these problems, several solutions can be implemented.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the jail system should provide prisoners with educational and psychological support to treat their mental health and spiritual distress. If the above problems are not solved, criminals are more likely to commit crimes again.
For instance
Linking Words
, in 1986, the dictator of the Central African Republic Jean-Bedel Bokassa was charged by the French court
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
cannibalism. Allegedly, he had eaten hundreds of humans including children, women and men body, or fed his own beast animals with alive human bodies.
According to
Linking Words
the court decision, he was found guilty and sent to prison. After several years because of the amnesia, he could get his freedom back and proceeded with his cannibalism again, till his death. If there had been a rehabilitation service at that time in France, after getting freedom from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison the dictator would not continue his horrible manner like cannibalism and would not have caused the deaths of hundreds of innocent people.
Additionally
Linking Words
, former offenders frequently face significant social and economic barriers, including limited employment opportunities, and unstable housing.
Therefore
Linking Words
, former offenders join
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the criminal networks to provide for their needs. Ultimately, it pushes them to commit a crime again and again. As a solution, governments and communities should invest in post-release support programs, including job placement services and transitional housing. In conclusion, by prioritising rehabilitation over punishment and
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
the
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
for post-release services, governments can significantly reduce recidivism rates.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
measures not only benefit the individuals involved but
also
Linking Words
contribute to safer and more cohesive communities.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the introduction outlines the main causes effectively, it could be improved by more explicitly stating the implications of these problems. Consider elaborating on how these causes lead directly to recidivism.
task achievement
The examples given, especially the one involving Jean-Bedel Bokassa, are quite powerful but may not be directly relevant to the broader discussion of recidivism in general terms. Try to use examples that are more relatable to the average offender and expand on their experiences.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured with clear paragraphs; however, transitions between ideas could be smoother. Consider using linking words or phrases to better connect your points and make the flow more natural.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion does a good job of summarizing the main points, but you could strengthen it by briefly restating why rehabilitation is crucial to reducing recidivism rates. This would emphasize your argument's significance.
structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow the argument.
content
You have addressed potential solutions convincingly, demonstrating a thoughtful approach to the issue of recidivism and its causes.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rehabilitation
  • Reintegrate
  • Social stigma
  • Recidivism
  • Criminal records
  • Ex-offender
  • Associations
  • Comprehensive
  • Workforce
  • Mentoring
  • Incentivize
  • Stigmatize
  • Subsidies
  • Legitimate
What to do next:
Look at other essays: