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Band 7

Some people say that parents should organise free time activities for their childrens.Other says children should be free to choose what they want to do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #organise #time #activities #childrens #children
People hold varied opinions regarding organising free
time
 for
children
. Some argue that
parents
 should take charge of planning leisure
time
 for them,
while
 few others believe
children
 themselves should have the freedom to decide what they want to spend
this
time
. In my opinion,
however
, a balanced approach including parental guidance
along with
children
's autonomy can prove more beneficial. On the one hand, those who support
parents
 plan for their kids
due to
 lack of maturity among the young ones. They say that there are chances if
children
 are left unattended
then
 they may end up wasting their free
time
 on trivial
activities
such
 as watching television and playing video games.
On the contrary
,
parents
 as per their experience can introduce a wide range of
activities
 including arts, sports or even education which would ensure that the leisure
time
 of kids is not only enjoyable but
also
 beneficial.
On the other hand
, as per opponents if
children
 are given the freedom to enjoy their recreational
time
 on their own, it can bring their hidden talent which might not be possible if they just follow a strict schedule.
For example
, a child may have a good talent for painting, but
this
 talent may go in vain if
this
 activity has not been added to their schedule. So,
such
 kinds of
children
 find it cumbersome to achieve success in any other
activities
due to
 a lack of personal interest. In my opinion, certainly,
parents
 should guide and supervise the recreational
activities
 for their offspring
nevertheless
 they must ensure that they do not compel them to follow a strict schedule and provide enough room for them to explore other
activities
 in order to foster creativity
as well as
 sense of self among them.
To sum up
, striking a balance between parental and kid's independence in
this
 context can ensure the holistic development of
children
along with
 providing relief to
parents
.
Submitted by sunnygarg710 on

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coherence cohesion
Aim to add more varied complex sentence structures to enhance clarity and engagement. Try integrating conditional phrases, comparative structures, and more passive forms.
task achievement
Incorporate specific, real-world examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, reference studies, personal anecdotes, or statistical data.
task achievement
For a stronger task achievement score, ensure all parts of the question are fully addressed with balanced coverage of both views before presenting your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to show relationships between ideas more clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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