IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that parents should organise free time activities for their childrens.Other says children should be free to choose what they want to do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #organise #time #activities #childrens #children
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People hold varied opinions regarding organising free
time
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 for
children
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. Some argue that
parents
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 should take charge of planning leisure
time
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 for them,
while
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 few others believe
children
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 themselves should have the freedom to decide what they want to spend
this
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time
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. In my opinion,
however
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, a balanced approach including parental guidance
along with
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children
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's autonomy can prove more beneficial. On the one hand, those who support
parents
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 plan for their kids
due to
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 lack of maturity among the young ones. They say that there are chances if
children
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 are left unattended
then
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 they may end up wasting their free
time
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 on trivial
activities
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such
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 as watching television and playing video games.
On the contrary
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,
parents
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 as per their experience can introduce a wide range of
activities
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 including arts, sports or even education which would ensure that the leisure
time
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 of kids is not only enjoyable but
also
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 beneficial.
On the other hand
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, as per opponents if
children
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 are given the freedom to enjoy their recreational
time
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 on their own, it can bring their hidden talent which might not be possible if they just follow a strict schedule.
For example
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, a child may have a good talent for painting, but
this
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 talent may go in vain if
this
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 activity has not been added to their schedule. So,
such
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 kinds of
children
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 find it cumbersome to achieve success in any other
activities
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due to
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 a lack of personal interest. In my opinion, certainly,
parents
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 should guide and supervise the recreational
activities
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 for their offspring
nevertheless
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 they must ensure that they do not compel them to follow a strict schedule and provide enough room for them to explore other
activities
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 in order to foster creativity
as well as
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 sense of self among them.
To sum up
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, striking a balance between parental and kid's independence in
this
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 context can ensure the holistic development of
children
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along with
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 providing relief to
parents
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.
Submitted by sunnygarg710 on

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coherence cohesion
Aim to add more varied complex sentence structures to enhance clarity and engagement. Try integrating conditional phrases, comparative structures, and more passive forms.
task achievement
Incorporate specific, real-world examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, reference studies, personal anecdotes, or statistical data.
task achievement
For a stronger task achievement score, ensure all parts of the question are fully addressed with balanced coverage of both views before presenting your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to show relationships between ideas more clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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