IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Modern technology is now very common in most work places. How do you think it has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology?

In most
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work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
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 there is cutting-edge
technology
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.
Although
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 the essay believes that its presence has changed the way we
work
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 positively because of boosting
efficiency
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the efficiency
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 of
the
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apply
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performance,
overrelience
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overreliance
 on
such
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technology
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 can lead to
job
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 displacement, safety concerns and health deterioration.
To begin
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 with,
technology
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 has transformed the way employees communicate, collaborate and manage tasks. Tools like email, video conferencing platforms and cloud-based software allow people to
work
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 remotely and in
real time
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real-time
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, regardless of their physical location.
This
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 has made global teamwork not only possible but
also
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 effective.
Moreover
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, artificial intelligence has decreased time spent on repetitive tasks, enabling workers to focus on more strategic and creative aspects of their jobs.
For instance
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, in the legal sector,
software
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the software
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 can now quickly review large volumes of documents, saving hours of manual
labor
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labour
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.
Nevertheless
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, the growing dependence on
technology
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 is not without concerns. One major issue is the risk of
job
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 displacement. As machines and algorithms become more sophisticated, certain roles are at risk of becoming obsolete. That has created anxiety about
job
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 security, especially in manufacturing and administrative fields.
Additionally
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, excessive screen time and digital overload can negatively impact employees’ mental health, contributing to stress and burnout.
For example
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, when systems fail or are subject to cyberattacks, entire operations can come to a halt. In conclusion,
while
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 modern
technology
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 has undoubtedly changed the workplace for the better in terms of productivity and flexibility, an overdependence on it can lead to
job
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 insecurity, health issues, and operational risks. A balanced approach that integrates
technology
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 with human skills and oversight is essential to ensure sustainable and healthy
work
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 environments.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more detailed introduction that states the main points clearly. This will guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
In the second paragraph, ensure that you connect the ideas more fluidly to enhance the flow of your argument. For example, use transition phrases to link the benefits of technology to concrete examples more seamlessly.
task achievement
In your examples, while they are relevant, you could expand on them slightly more to provide a deeper understanding of how technology impacts those specific fields.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of technology in the workplace, which demonstrates critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main arguments and suggests a solution, which effectively wraps up the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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