IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that alcohol should be considered as a drug and made illegal. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some individuals argue that
alcohol
Use synonyms
 is just another form of a drug which should be prohibited.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees that
this
Linking Words
 addiction poses a significant risk to people’s lives for several reasons that will be elaborated on in the following paragraphs. First and foremost,
alcohol
Use synonyms
 is one of the reasons that shortens the longevity.
Alcohol
Use synonyms
 directly affects those who consume it on a daily basis and indirectly impacts other citizens. It severely damages people’s organs,
such
Linking Words
 as livers, as there are certain hazardous chemicals used, and
as a result
Linking Words
, these individuals become much more susceptible and their immune systems become weaker.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the vulnerability of internal parts of the human body caused by
this
Linking Words
 drink makes it impossible to live for many years.
In addition
Linking Words
, alcoholic people lose their consciousness when they use their vehicles, especially during late hours.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the negligence of
such
Linking Words
 drivers may take the lives of innocent pedestrians.
For instance
Linking Words
, the rising level of death caused by
this
Linking Words
 drug in recent years in Germany made it necessary for the government to ban its usage.
Secondly
Linking Words
, these drug users tend to be more aggressive and violent towards their families and others. The addictive nature of
alcohol
Use synonyms
 ruins the financial stability of the family by making the consumer spend most of their income on its purchase.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when they are warned by their family members, they see violence as a solution.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the statistics, arguments within families arising from
such
Linking Words
 matters contribute greatly to divorce rates within countries. In conclusion, I fully believe that making
alcohol
Use synonyms
 illegal should be a priority for every nation around the world. It is essential for improving the quality of life for citizens and can be done through various regulations, laws, and policies imposed by governments.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Consider expanding your introduction to clearly outline the main points you will discuss in your essay. This provides a roadmap for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
While your paragraphs are logically structured, ensure that each main point is clearly developed with supporting evidence and explanations to enhance clarity.
task response
Incorporate more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments, as these can provide clearer evidence for your claims.
content
You effectively identify the main ideas related to the dangers of alcohol consumption, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic.
task response
Your essay presents a clear stance on the issue, which is important for task achievement.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: