IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that pupils should focus more on local
history
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 than
world
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history
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. I firmly disagree with
this
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 idea because acquiring knowledge about the
history
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 of the
world
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 provides schoolchildren with the opportunity to get a broader range of information about global past events, and it motivates them to explore other cultures and historical sites. Youngsters can gain insights into the
world
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 around them, and they can have a well-rounded perspective of life by learning the historical backgrounds of other countries. As there were some indispensable events all around the
world
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 in the past that cannot be learned without knowledge about
world
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history
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, including major global conflicts
such
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 as
World
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 War I,
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World
Correct word choice
and World
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 War II,
as a consequence
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, it is important to teach pupils both local and
world
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history
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 simultaneously.
Furthermore
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, knowing about the
world
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 encourages schoolchildren to make more visits to foreign countries and explore new things later in life. Since
in
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apply
show examples
history
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 lessons often introduce students to famous ancient landmarks and museums.
For example
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, pupils can learn about landmarks
such
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 as
Taj
Correct article usage
the Taj
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 Mahal
,
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and, Eiffel
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Eiffel
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the Eiffel
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 Tower and museums like the Louvre Museum and Uffizi Gallery can be learned in
world
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history
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 lessons.
Thus
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, learning
world
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history
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 can inspire meaningful travel and cultural appreciation in the future. In conclusion, I believe that
world
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history
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 should be one of the most significant subjects at school as it offers many benefits
such
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 as a well-rounded perspective of life and opportunities for international travel .

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task achievement
While your introduction clearly states your position, consider adding a brief outline of the main points you will cover in the essay to further enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay's ideas flow logically, but in some instances, the connection between points could be clearer. Try using more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
You provided good examples, but some were slightly vague. More specific details or context about how world history influences local perspectives could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively presents your disagreement and outlines the importance of world history.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with distinct paragraphs that each focus on a specific point and support your overall argument.
task achievement
You successfully mention relevant examples from world history, which enhance the reader's understanding of your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • ancestry
  • traditions
  • globalization
  • empathy
  • contemporary issues
  • integrate
  • perspective
  • civilization
  • diversity
  • innovations
  • historical significance
  • nationalism
  • cosmopolitanism
  • historiography
  • geopolitical
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