Violence in media promotes violence in society. to what extent do you agree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In recent years,
there
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
has been believed that
violence
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which showed
Wrong verb form
that is shown
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on
Change preposition
in
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the
media
Use synonyms
makes
people
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
do so in real life. I totally agree with
this
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statement
due to
Linking Words
many criminal cases happen and relate
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
media
Use synonyms
show
Fix the agreement mistake
shows
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. There are reasons why
media
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influence
society
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society's
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attitudes,
namely
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namely,
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they believe that everything
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
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in
media
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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good,
Correct word choice
and children's
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children's
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children
show examples
thing
Correct your spelling
think
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that
violence
Use synonyms
is the way for somebody to be a superhero and
violence
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can be the solution
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
any problem. 
First,
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technology
had
Verb problem
is
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very
closed
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close
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to
people
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's
lifestyle
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lifestyles
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, sometimes
people
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spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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more time with technology namely
phone
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phones
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or
computer
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computers
show examples
than face-to-face interaction. With technology anything we can learn
include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
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value
Add an article
the value
show examples
of life. Many quotes and short videos on social
media
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teach us how to be a good
Correct your spelling
person
pearson
Correct your spelling
person
,
Linking Words
however
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however,
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as long as
people
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learn from social
media
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, their ability to filter #decreased
Second,
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to be a superhero
on
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in
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the movie usually have to fight
creature
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creatures
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. Children make an imagination that their friend is the creature, so to be a superhero they fight to be a champion.
Third,
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some
people
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think that if there is a problem and hard to solve the
last
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way is
violence
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. There is a tendency
that
Correct word choice
for
show examples
violence
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is the one of the solutions. Of
course
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course,
show examples
this
Linking Words
is the wrong understanding.
Linking Words
However
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However,
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this
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tendency appears to
after
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be after
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watching content on the
media
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. In conclusion, I agree that
violence
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happen
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happens
show examples
because of
people
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watching it
on
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in
show examples
the
media
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
happen
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happens
show examples
due to
Linking Words
people
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do not have
knowledge
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the knowledge
show examples
to distinguish which one
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
media
Use synonyms
content or
suit
Replace the word
suited
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for real life.

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task achievement
The introduction needs to be clearer in stating your position on the topic. You could also improve the clarity of your main points by using more precise language.
coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow between your paragraphs. For instance, clearly connect your arguments to each other and reinforce how they support your main thesis.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or data to support your claims. This will strengthen your argument and make your points more compelling.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic, which is important for task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs generally follow a structure, presenting ideas that relate to the overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Desensitization
  • Aggressive behavior
  • Imitation
  • Media regulation
  • Cultural context
  • Exposure
  • Social influence
  • Violent imagery
  • Psychological impact
  • Norms and values
  • Media consumption
  • Sensationalism
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