IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your . Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

There is no denying the fact that the affective of computers
have
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has
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 positive and negative
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that the disadvantage is more
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then
Replace the word
than
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 advantages on using
Use synonyms
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
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 every day. There is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 consider that the negative of using
Use synonyms
computer
Add an article
a computer
the computer
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 are more common
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Change preposition
than then
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then
Correct your spelling
the
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 positive effects
To begin
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 with, the child
do
Change the verb form
does
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 not know the limit of the power that he
had
Wrong verb form
has
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. In
other word
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another word
other words
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, the
computer
Use synonyms
 gives you
opportunity
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the opportunity
an opportunity
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 to speak with strangers, and
that is
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 crucial things because that may
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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effects
Verb problem
affect
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on
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apply
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his
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your
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minds
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mind
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.
In addition
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, most of the
family
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families
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 do not have
awareness
Correct article usage
an awareness
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 of the
benefit
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benefits
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
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 using
Use synonyms
Add an article
the computer
a computer
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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
.
For example
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, the children will spend most of their time playing and watching on their
computer
Use synonyms
, and
wont
Add an apostrophe
won't
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 get the full knowledge
for
Change preposition
of
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 computers Another point to consider, nowadays
kids
Use synonyms
 will not go outside. it is
also
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 possible to say that,
kids
Use synonyms
 nowadays are becoming
more
Change the word
apply
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fatter and
unhealth
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
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because
Add the preposition
because of
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 the amount of time they are
stting
Correct your spelling
sitting
 and not doing any
activite
Correct your spelling
activity
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
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 their health.
Moreover
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, parents will know
little
Add an article
a little
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 bit about
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 children.
For instance
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, the
disconction
Correct your spelling
disconnection
 that
happen
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happens
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 because of parents
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not see and know is
child
Add an article
a child
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 more and
the
Correct your spelling
they
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 will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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affect
Change the form of the verb
affected
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 in the
Use synonyms
kids
Fix the agreement mistake
kid
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personaliy
Correct your spelling
personally
personality
. In conclusion, despite people having
different
Add an article
a different
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view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
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,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 believe that the disadvantage of
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 is a lot and without
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full
Correct your spelling
awareness
awarenees
Correct your spelling
awareness
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
kids
Use synonyms
 from the family it will be harder to control the future of the child

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Task Achievement
Consider revising the introduction to clearly state your stance on the topic and outline your main points. A thesis statement will guide your readers.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to enhance the logical flow of your essay. This will help your readers easily follow your arguments.
Task Achievement
Try to use more specific examples to support your claims. This could add weight to your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Remember to proofread your work for grammatical errors and sentence structure; this can enhance readability.
Task Achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic, which is essential for task response.
Task Achievement
You discussed various aspects of the topic, such as social interaction and health issues, providing a broader view of the effects of computer usage.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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