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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

the bart chart below shows the expenditure of two countries in consumer goods in 2010

the bart chart below shows the expenditure of two countries in consumer goods in 2010
The bar chart compares the expenditure on five types of consumer goods in
France
Use synonyms
 and the
UK
Use synonyms
 in 2010, measured in
pounds
Use synonyms
 sterling. The goods include cars, computers, books, perfume, and cameras.
Overall
Linking Words
, both countries spent the most on cars.
However
Linking Words
, spending patterns varied across the two countries, with the
UK
Use synonyms
 spending more on some items and
France
Use synonyms
 on others. The
UK
Use synonyms
 spent about 450,000
pounds
Use synonyms
 on cars, which was 50,000
pounds
Use synonyms
 more than
France
Use synonyms
. A similar trend can be observed in books and cameras, where the
UK
Use synonyms
 outspent
France
Use synonyms
 by approximately 100,000
pounds
Use synonyms
 and 200,000
pounds
Use synonyms
, respectively.
In particular
Linking Words
, camera spending in the
UK
Use synonyms
 was over £350,000,
while
Linking Words
 in
France
Use synonyms
 it was just around 150,000
pounds
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
France
Use synonyms
 spent slightly more on computers, at around 375,000
pounds
Use synonyms
 compared to the
UK
Use synonyms
’s 350,000
pounds
Use synonyms
.
France
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 spent more on perfume, with around 200,000
pounds
Use synonyms
 spent,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
UK
Use synonyms
 spent slightly under 150,000
pounds
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the
UK
Use synonyms
 had a higher total expenditure across the five categories, the differences in individual item spending varied, with the most notable gap in camera purchases.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words france, uk, pounds with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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