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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Portable entertainment devices, such as MP3 or DVD-players, which allow people to listen to music or watch films on the move, are now commonplace. What do you think are the main advantages and disadvantages of this development?

In
recet
Correct your spelling
recent
 years, most
people
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 wearing entertainment
devices
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 everywhere. It is to be commonplace to see somebody busy with their
devices
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 public
tranport
Correct your spelling
transport
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore the advantages and disadvantages of these issues. There are some benefits to
use
Wrong verb form
using
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entertain
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
devices
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,
firstly
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, for some
people
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,
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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time
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at
Change preposition
on
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 public transportation without doing anything is boring. The choice is they can bring
portable
Add an article
a portable
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 device or look at the view.
However
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 many
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 choose to bring portable
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
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while
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 viewing the environment.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 who
go
Change the verb form
goes
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 to school by bus,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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considered
Wrong verb form
consider
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to bring
Verb problem
apply
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MP3 to
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
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 music and enjoy the
time
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.
Secondly
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,
people
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 sometimes
got
Wrong verb form
get
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 inspiration
with
Change preposition
from
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 watching
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
.
Furthermore
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, portable
devices
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 could give that benefit and help
people
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 to develop their
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
.
In contrast
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, portable
devices
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 give
the
Correct article usage
apply
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drawbacks to their user,
firstly
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,
people
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more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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enjoy
with
Change preposition
apply
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their
devices
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 rather than
interact
Wrong verb form
interacting
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 with a friend.
Secondly
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, most
people
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 have
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 with
the
Change the word
their
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 health
due to
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spend
Wrong verb form
spending too
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 much
time
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
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 screen
time
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, they often forget to eat and do
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 and it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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really
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
body
Change noun form
body's
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
Thirdly
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, even
there
Correct word choice
though there
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 is
no
Correct your spelling
not
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many evidences
Fix the agreement mistake
much evidence
show examples
 in research,
that is
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 proove much
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 spend in front of the media,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will influence mental health. In conclusion, using portable
devices
Use synonyms
 to watch or listen
music
Change preposition
to music
show examples
 can
give
Verb problem
have
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 advantages and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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disadvantages. Technology development
give
Change the verb form
gives
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 a chance to society to use wisely
while
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 busy with
devices
Use synonyms
 and forget that
people
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
apply
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the part of
social
Replace the word
society
show examples
.

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language
Work on correcting spelling and grammatical errors to improve clarity, such as 'recent' instead of 'recet', and 'exercise' instead of 'excercise'.
coherence
Use clearer topic sentences to introduce each paragraph, which will help the reader follow your arguments more easily.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and a deeper exploration of each advantage and disadvantage to enhance the overall argument.
task achievement
You have attempted to discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of portable entertainment devices, which is essential for the task.
coherence
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps the flow of your ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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