IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In some countries, schools have started teaching students about criminal laws and the consequences of breaking them. Is this a positive or negative development?

In some areas, educational systems teach about penal
code
Fix the agreement mistake
codes
show examples
 and
outcomes
Correct article usage
the outcomes
show examples
 of breaking them. In my opinion, I think
this
Linking Words
 is a development because it can help in
prevention
Add an article
the prevention
show examples
 of
crime
Use synonyms
 at an early age and
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 critical thinking.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it can
do
Verb problem
lead to
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
less
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
in the future.
In other words
Linking Words
, it helps
students
Use synonyms
 to understand
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
 of illegal actions and youth start promoting social responsibility.
For example
Linking Words
, if
student
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
 goes to do something illegal, he will think twice before doing that.
Therefore
Linking Words
, deploying criminal laws in
schools
Use synonyms
 is equal to
fight
Wrong verb form
fighting
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 and
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
 up
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young people to be more law-adding.
Secondly
Linking Words
, including criminal laws in education systems
bring
Verb problem
allows
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 to develop their knowledge and analytical thinking skills.
This
Linking Words
 is to say, that subjects
such
Linking Words
 as basic
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
rights give
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 space for reflection, which increases brain activity.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Kazakhstan
schools
Use synonyms
 practice
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
basic
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
rights,
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 demonstrate a lot of different situations and
students
Use synonyms
 ought to say who and which law was broken.
Thus
Linking Words
, by teaching
students
Use synonyms
 to criminal laws
schools
Use synonyms
 create objectively thinking
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I believe that teaching
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 about criminal law and the effects of breaking them can bring clear benefits. If all the
schools
Use synonyms
 told
students
Use synonyms
 about
this
Linking Words
, the issue
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 would be solved.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents your opinion clearly, but it could benefit from a more detailed outline of your main points. Consider providing a brief overview of the benefits of teaching criminal law.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas. This will enhance the flow of your argument and improve coherence.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are fully developed. For instance, when discussing the example of Kazakhstan schools, elaborating more on how the activities work could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your thesis statement clearly expresses your opinion on the topic, and the reasons provided show your engagement with the subject matter.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples which demonstrate understanding of the topic, particularly the example from Kazakhstan schools.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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