IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people claim that immigrants should adopt the local culture when immigrating to a new country. While others think that they can establish a minority community instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In the contemporary era,
culture
Use synonyms
is define
Change the verb form
is defined
show examples
 as the traditions of the country. Some people believe that
new
Correct article usage
a new
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 country should
be adopted
Wrong verb form
adopt
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 the local
culture
Use synonyms
 when immigrating.
However
Linking Words
,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 argue that they can establish a
minority
Use synonyms
 community
instead
Linking Words
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both perspectives before presenting my opinion. To commence with,
immigrants
Use synonyms
 should adopt the local
culture
Use synonyms
 in order to integrate more smoothly into
society
Use synonyms
. It helps them to understand and participate in social customs, language, and traditions, potentially leading to better job opportunities and social acceptance.
For example
Linking Words
,
Indians
Rephrase
when Indians
show examples
 move
to
Change preposition
apply
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abroad, they follow their
culture
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, local
culture
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 encourage mutual respect and reduce cultural clashes, as
immigrants
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 may be seen as more cooperative and willing to contribute positively to
society
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. Moving ahead, maintaining one's
culture
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while
Linking Words
 establishing a
minority
Use synonyms
 community helps preserve cultural diversity and willing to contribute positively to
society
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.
Minority
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 communities can offer
immigrants
Use synonyms
 emotional support and a sense of belonging, which can be crucial for their mental health and well-being in a new environment. Having established
minority
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 communities in a country,
immigrants
Use synonyms
 can help introduce and spread their own cultural practices, leading to a more enriched multicultural
society
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. In conclusion, adopting local
culture
Use synonyms
 and preserving one's original identity can lead to a more harmonious coexistence that respects both the host
society
Use synonyms
's
culture
Use synonyms
 and the immigrant's heritage.

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task achievement
Consider providing clearer examples and more specific details to support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Try to create smoother transitions between your paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion to enhance your position on the topic.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument clearly, which shows a balanced perspective on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and gives a clear final thought.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adopt the local culture
  • integrate
  • social customs
  • mutual respect
  • cultural clashes
  • minority community
  • cultural diversity
  • emotional support
  • mental health
  • multicultural society
  • harmonious coexistence
  • heritage
  • social acceptance
  • cultural practices
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