IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Question- Buying tickets on the internet such as books, air tickets and groceries is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this outweigh the disadvantage.

These days, it has been a growing trend to purchase plane tickets, perishable and non-perishable
goods
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 books by using technological devices.
This
Linking Words
 trend has many merits and demerits.
However
Linking Words
, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks, which I will discuss in
this
Linking Words
 paragraph. The
Internet
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 provides convenience to citizens. People can buy commodities on the
internet
Use synonyms
 by sitting at home and workplace. They can save their travel cost and
time
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.
For example
Linking Words
, a woman who has the responsibility for home and work
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 now can manage her
time
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 by using
Use synonyms
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
. She can purchase
goods
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 on her mobile phone.
Hence
Linking Words
, she can rest, and enjoy quality
time
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 with her family.
Moreover
Linking Words
, people can compare
prices
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 when they use websites. They have no requirement to visit store to store to find
goods
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on
Change preposition
at
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 reasonable
prices
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. They can do it from their computers.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to more satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment which feels like victory when people find
goods
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 at discounted
prices
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
, buying an air ticket is a decision which requires attention and
time
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. but they can enjoy flexibility when they use websites. They can find
prices
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of
Change preposition
for
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 all dates and times and book
according to
Linking Words
 their schedule. They can pre-book the fare amount which can lead to less stress to visit the broker and print out the tickets.
Also
Linking Words
, they can re-schedule with one click.
Thus
Linking Words
, they will worry less when they have everything in an electronic device. In essence, with the advancement in technology,
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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 are shifting to buy everything from
Use synonyms
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 has emerged many advantages and disadvantages. but, the merits are wide
such
Linking Words
 as ease of getting commodities, comparison of values,
also
Linking Words
 provide flexibility to change decisions.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs have clear topic sentences and that each idea flows logically to the next. This will enhance the overall structure and coherence of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to include a more explicit conclusion that summarizes your main points and reinforces your argument. This will help to better articulate your overall position.
task achievement
When citing examples, try to ensure they are directly related to your argument's main point. This will strengthen the links between your examples and the ideas you are presenting.
language accuracy
Make sure to proofread your essay for grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes, as they can detract from the clarity of your writing.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, which shows the strength of your understanding regarding online shopping.
task achievement
Your essay touches on multiple aspects of online shopping, demonstrating a comprehensive approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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