IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, online shopping is becoming more and more popular. Some people think that this is having a negative impact on society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Web shopping is immensely leading the modern trends in various Nations. You have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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thought that it is affecting
community
Correct article usage
the community
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 negatively and I strongly agree with the notion. I will elaborate
my
Change preposition
on my
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 opinion in the upcoming paragraphs.
Firstly
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, the craze of online shopping is disturbing the balance between small and large retailing platforms. People tend to buy things from websites we are
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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, Amazon Flipkart and many other marketing apps.
This
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 drift is an obstacle for
low level
Add a hyphen
low-level
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 shopkeepers.
Residence
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Residents
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 usually prefer
tale
Correct your spelling
travel
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 shopping over buying things from other nearby markets.
Due to
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which
Correct pronoun usage
this
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,
small
Add an article
a small
the small
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 businessman cannot help choosing their shops. It is
a
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apply
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well said that
rich
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the rich
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 is becoming rich and
poor
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the poor
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 becoming poorer.
Secondly
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, buying your daily use the items from tale apps, results in environmental disturbances. The relation behind
this
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 effect is that the material is packaged in plastic raps which are either disposed in Open spaces or are burnt by customers.
This
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 leads to environmental pollution.
Linking Words
Moreover
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Moreover,
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 the transportation of the things
,
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apply
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 emits s of harmful gases like Karbonn by the vehicles used for shifting the stuff.
Causing
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This causes
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 air pollution which can be limited if
a
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apply
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customers prefer shopping in
a
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apply
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person over online shopping.
Linking Words
Lastly
Add a comma
Lastly,
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this
Linking Words
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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drift resulted in a decreased community interaction. If a person
go
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goes
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for buying
Change preposition
to buy
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 a closer and other items
on
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in
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a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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nearby shops or markets, one will communicate and interact with others, which will directly in Hans the communication skills of an individual. In brief,
this
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 modern facility of buying matter from your devices results in various drastic impacts not only on an individual but
also
Linking Words
 on the nature of the planet.
Additionally
Linking Words
 causing economic differences.

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task achievement
The introduction clearly states your opinion but could benefit from rephrasing the thesis for clarity. Make sure to clearly outline the three main points you will discuss in the body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
The body paragraphs should have clearer topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. Furthermore, ensure that your arguments are logically ordered and connected to the main thesis more effectively.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points. This can enhance the clarity and depth of your arguments.
task achievement
You have a clear position that you strongly agree with the negative impacts of online shopping which establishes a clear viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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