IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagram shows the process of cheese making summarize information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where the relevant

The diagram shows the process of cheese making summarize information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where the relevant
The
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
series of events for
production
Correct article usage
the production
show examples
 of soft cheese. the total time period for the whole processor is around 20
hours
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are five steps that are to be done in sequence
for making
Change preposition
to make
show examples
 a final product. At
first,
Linking Words
the processor is initiated by mixing two crucial components of cheese, which are water and milk. The mixture is
then
Linking Words
 kept to cool down at
temperature
Correct article usage
a temperature
show examples
 of 5
degree
Change to a plural noun
degrees
show examples
 for 2
hours
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
 a salt is added to the composition before permission next step
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fermentation. It is carried out for
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 time period as
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cooling, but
35°c
Change preposition
at 35°c
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the upcoming step includes evaporation of the blend at 100
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 Celsius for 8
hours
Use synonyms
, resulting in the same production of steam under the effect of heat.
Linking Words
further
Add an article
the further
show examples
 procedure involves the final and crucial step,
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is cooling and
filter
Wrong verb form
filtering
show examples
 out of waste from the composition to
this
Linking Words
 performed for 8
hours
Use synonyms
 at the cooling temperature of 5
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 Celsius. The filters are used to gain the final product from the mixture and
removing
Wrong verb form
remove
show examples
 the
waste water
Correct your spelling
wastewater
show examples
 through another filter.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are a number of
taskers
Replace the word
tasks
show examples
 to be carried out
while
Linking Words
 making cheese out of milk and all the measures are to be done carefully in a proper sequence and flavour able environment conditions for
given
Correct article usage
a given
show examples
 time period.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: