IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates a problem for governments. Other people think they are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?

The growth of the population has become a matter of great concern. Some countries include a relatively large number of elderly
people
Use synonyms
, which has been argued that
this
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 will cause issues
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the governments,
while
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 others believe it will be good for society.
Although
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 older
people
Use synonyms
 do add a lot of value, in my opinion, the advantages are a few compared to that of nations with younger citizens. Having a younger population is essential and has many advantages for several reasons.
Firstly
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, the younger generations are the ones governments use in wars, which is something essential that older
people
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 cannot be a part of. In the Ukrainian war against Russia, a recent study has shown that Ukrainian soldiers are all above the age of 25 and under 45.
In addition
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 to that, societies that have mainly aged citizens are weak in the economy because they cannot perform as
good
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well
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 as younger
people
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.
Secondly
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, younger citizens are better at sports. As an example, northern countries excel at
Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
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 only because of the skilled youngsters residing there.
Furthermore
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, even though older
people
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 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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life experience, they lack physical strength and cannot participate in certain problems that are demanded by the industry.
Lastly
Linking Words
, nations made basically of older
people
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 are not able to make children, eventually leading to the end of them. In conclusion,
although
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 older
people
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 are important and helpful in some parts, I strongly argue that the disadvantages of having an
aging
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ageing
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 population can beat the advantages. Younger
people
Use synonyms
 are more physically strong and will definitely be useful to a nation under any circumstances.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more balanced view in your introduction by briefly mentioning both sides of the argument before stating your opinion. This will enhance the complexity of your response.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each body paragraph clearly addresses one main point and begins with a topic sentence. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your claims, as this will help strengthen your arguments and improve the relevance of your evidence.
coherence and cohesion
Work on linking ideas more effectively by using a variety of cohesive devices to transition between sentences and paragraphs smoothly.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your viewpoint, which sets a clear direction for the essay.
task achievement
You have made relevant points regarding the disadvantages of an aging population, reflecting a critical understanding of the topic.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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