IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many people today face the problem of not getting enough sleep. What are the causes of this problem, and what solutions can you suggest ?

There can be little doubt that many
people
Use synonyms
 now must cope with sleep deprivation.
This
Linking Words
 problem is attributable to daily pressure but can be addressed by doing several
exercises
Use synonyms
 before sleeping. First of all, the root cause of
this
Linking Words
 dilemma lies in the stress which
people
Use synonyms
 gain in working or studying. It must be understood that there is a common trend of both teenagers and adults
in
Change preposition
apply
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staying up late
due to
Linking Words
 the immense workload. It leads to strange routines as noctambulists which might deteriorate the quality of sleep.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, having
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
long-term work without relaxing might prompt
people
Use synonyms
being
Change the verb form
to be
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 exhausted, which have
also
Linking Words
negatively
Change the word
negative
show examples
potent
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
influence on sleep. To rectify
this
Linking Words
 situation,
people
Use synonyms
 need to do
exercises
Use synonyms
as relaxing
Change preposition
to relax
show examples
 before going to bed. It can not be denied that when you work, your body
produced
Wrong verb form
produces
show examples
 some hormones which help you concentrate more on working,
however
Linking Words
, they hinder
people
Use synonyms
 from sound sleep. If you relax by doing
exercises
Use synonyms
 before sleeping, these hormones can be burnt out or
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
balanced. Take yoga as a good example, it is one of the most efficient ways to wind down and enhance the quality of slumber. In conclusion, sleep deprivation results from stress in work or study.
Thus
Linking Words
, doing
exercises
Use synonyms
 should be taken to clear a hurdle because it can remove tiredness.

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task achievement
Provide a more developed introduction that outlines the causes and solutions more explicitly.
coherence
Ensure smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve flow and linkage.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear argument regarding stress as a main cause of sleep deprivation and suggests a practical solution.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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