IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

some people think that goverment spending on restoration of old buildings in cities should be stopped. insted they should spend the money for the housing and road development. What extend do you agree ?

The restoration of old buildings in metropolitan cities requires significant expenditure.
While
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 preserving historical houses is important, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the
government
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 should prioritize spending on improving the housing sector and transportation infrastructure. I completely agree with
this
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 statement, and in
this
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 essay, I will explain my viewpoint with relevant examples. In the modern era, many
people
Use synonyms
 are migrating to urban areas for education, employment, and a better quality of life.
However
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,
due to
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 the rapid increase in population, it has become difficult for individuals to find affordable housing. The
government
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 should focus on constructing multi-storey apartment buildings to accommodate the growing population.
This
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 initiative would enhance community living and provide affordable housing options.
For example
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, in Bahrain, the
government
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 offers housing to its residents and regulates rent, ensuring that everyone has a place to live comfortably.
As a result
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, Bahrain is ranked among the top ten countries for excellent housing facilities.
Furthermore
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, transportation is a crucial component of infrastructure and helps improve connectivity for local residents.
For instance
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, Mumbai is one of the most desirable cities to live in
due to
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 job opportunities, but
people
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 often face challenges related to traffic congestion and poorly maintained roads. The
government
Use synonyms
 should invest in building new highways and improving public transportation systems.
This
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 would not only ease traffic but
also
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 encourage more
people
Use synonyms
 to use public transport, leading to reduced pollution and increased revenue from public services. In conclusion, I believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 should prioritize addressing housing shortages and developing road infrastructure rather than spending large sums on restoring old buildings.
Such
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 measures would significantly improve the standard of living and contribute to long-term urban development.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly present your main points with adequate support and examples in every paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more cohesive devices to enhance the flow between sentences and ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main arguments to be discussed, making it easy for the reader to follow.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the situation in Bahrain and Mumbai, effectively supports your arguments, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
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