IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some feel that tourism endangers culture while others feel it is benefical. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

It is often argued that the
tourism
Use synonyms
 industry is harmful to
culture
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, other individuals claim that it is advantageous. I am of the opinion that
tourism
Use synonyms
 is beneficial because many people can exchange their
culture
Use synonyms
 and spread
around
Correct pronoun usage
it around
show examples
 the world. On the one hand, exposure to a variety of cultures can sometimes blur the lines of cultural identity, especially among younger generations who may struggle to define their sense of belonging. An appropriate example of
this
Linking Words
 is children of immigrants who often grow up speaking a different language at home
while
Linking Words
 being educated in a
culture
Use synonyms
 that follows totally different types.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to an identity crisis, where individuals feel they do not belong
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
anywhere.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, by exchanging various nation’s cultures, most countries can develop the weakness of their own traditions by learning from others.
This
Linking Words
 is especially true in most societies that have their own limitations in education, public health, and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exposure to diverse cultural backgrounds can provide easy and new solutions and ideas.
Likewise
Linking Words
, communities with limited diversity address the shortcomings by incorporating beneficial habits from each
culture
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, though it might seem that
tourism
Use synonyms
 has negative effects on other countries, I am of the opinion that increasing the popularity of
tourism
Use synonyms
 has significant benefits not only encouraging the evolution of better practices but
also
Linking Words
 promoting mutual understanding.

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task achievement
Consider providing clearer, more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, instead of stating general benefits, you could describe a specific country that has benefited from tourism.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your essay flows smoothly by using transitions and linking words more effectively between paragraphs. This will improve the coherence and cohesion of your writing.
task achievement
The introduction presents a clear stance on the issue, which sets a good foundation for your argument.
coherence and cohesion
You have effectively discussed both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced consideration of the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural erosion
  • cultural homogenization
  • cultural heritage
  • mutual understanding
  • cultural diversity
  • preservation
  • economic incentive
  • revival
  • authenticity
  • over-commercialized
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