"Prevention is better than cure". Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventive measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#prevention #cure #country #health #budget #proportion #treatment #education #measures

Nowadays,lots of developed countries around the world spend millions of dollar on health awareness programs to ensure that the local citizen is well aware of the causes and issues regarding the most common diseases. The curriculum is arranged in the form of activities and prizes which excite the participants.It is argued that out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventive measures.

Firstly

, many energy issues are created because of a lack of alertness about avoidance measures. A large budget is being spent on hospitals for the treatment of patients.

This

staggering amount would be reduced if the government spent money on appreciation campaigns or educational curricula. There are many communities who are still unaware of the causes and avoidance of many fitness issues.

For example

, if citizens could get access to information about bad habits like drinking and smoking many folk would quit consumption which would ultimately reduce the

overall

amount.

Secondly

,lots of the public are living in the village and have low monthly wages.

Due to

this

,they do not have enough funds to approach doctors or know how to deal with the disease properly.

However

,if the government spends lots of cash on educating individuals about various diseases, they will be able to protect themselves and

this

can help to save them wages.

For instance

,when was the pandemic of COVID-19 increased death of the public

due to

carelessness and not knowing about avoidance.

Finally

,it was a big blow for everyone.

To sum up

,it is essential that the country spend wealth on prevention activities and well-being perception seminars as it will reduce the

overall

price being allocated to treatment and

also

ensure early issue deduction.

Submitted by marina.parmenova on Wed Nov 29 2023

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Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure the introduction and conclusion are both clearly presented and distinct. The essay lacks a formal conclusion that wraps up the arguments made within the body paragraphs.

Coherence and Cohesion

Avoid introducing new ideas or examples in the conclusion, and ensure that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay, reinforcing your position on the topic.

Coherence and Cohesion

Develop a more structured logical flow within the essay, including clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, followed by explanation and examples.

Task Achievement

Address the task by providing a more balanced discussion on whether a larger proportion of health budgets should be allocated to prevention rather than treatment. This includes providing more detailed examples and exploring both sides of the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

Use more sophisticated and varied sentence structures, coherent linking words, and clearer progression of ideas to improve the overall readability and organization of the essay.

Task Achievement

Ensure that ideas are expanded upon with relevant, specific examples and that there is an in-depth exploration of each main point made, rather than just stating information.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

283 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

preventive measures
health education
public awareness
proactive approach
unsustainable
economic productivity
healthcare system
vaccinations
curative measures
comprehensive healthcare
financial burden
incidence
preventable diseases
eradicating
controlling
allocated

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"Prevention is better than cure". Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventive measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people like to eat in restaurants and at foodstands, others like to eat at home. Which do you prefer? Give reasons and examples to support your choice.

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

homelessness is increasing in many major cities around the world. what do you think are the main causes of this problem and what measures can be taken to solve it?