IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Very few schoolchildren learn about the value of money and how to look after it, yet this is a critical life skill that should be taught as part of the school curriculum. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent society, understanding the value of wages and how to handle them plays a significant role in the life
skills
Use synonyms
 of young children. Some schools already teach it as part of their curriculum, but that’s pretty rare. I strongly agree with the statement that these essential
skills
Use synonyms
 should be included in the school educational program for all schools
due to
Linking Words
 financial responsibility and awareness of money’s value. Financial responsibility is one of the essential
skills
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 for all individuals. Participating in education about money as a college educational program and acquiring
this
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 skill can enable students to contribute to defending the rights of consumers and preventing scams as they grow.
Furthermore
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, integrating financial education into the academy curriculum is not just an option; it is indispensable for young children to understand the structure and survive
this
Linking Words
 complex economic society well.
Moreover
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, studying finance as
a
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an
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academy
Replace the word
academic
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 curriculum plays a significant role in the awareness of its expense. Young people are more likely to become smarter consumers who avoid unnecessary debt and make ethical purchasing choices by learning how to budget, save, and make informed financial decisions rather than adults with no financial education.
This
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 not only benefits their personal lives but
also
Linking Words
 contributes to a more stable and transparent economy in the future.
Therefore
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, schoolchildren learn that money can lead people to be smart consumers and is necessary for future generations. In conclusion, learning about the benefits of financial provision in schoolchildren provides abundant benefits,
such
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 as responsibility and awareness of money. If students acquired these
skills
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 from an earlier age, they might not face significant issues in the future and could cope
complex
Change preposition
with complex
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 society.
Thus
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, I strongly agree that more
school
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schools
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 incorporate
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fincacial
Correct your spelling
financial
leaning
Correct your spelling
learning
show examples
 at school.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. A brief overview would help in setting the context for your argument.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or data to support your ideas. This could enhance the clarity and depth of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to have clear transitions between your ideas. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily and improve the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Consider rephrasing some sentences for clarity. Phrasing like 'the structure and survive this complex economic society well' could be revised for better comprehension.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the importance of financial education and presents a clear position; this is essential for the task.
coherence and cohesion
You have structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is a good foundation for coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • curriculum
  • fiscal responsibility
  • money management
  • budgeting
  • saving
  • investing
  • adult population
  • financial decisions
  • educational systems
  • theoretical curriculum
  • practical life skills
  • real-life experience
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