IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Because most information about culture and history can be found on the internet today, museums are not necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, because of the development of technology, data is being updated on the
internet
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, which makes storing
information
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 in museums not essential for citizens compared to the past.
This
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 essay agrees with the replacement of storing
information
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 in the museum by the
Internet
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 since it enhances the accessibility of the
information
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 and is complimentary for everyone. The crucial role of storing
information
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 on the
internet
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 is to improve the ability to gain access to the
information
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.
In other words
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, when
information
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 is uploaded to the
internet
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, it can be accessed by everyone if they have
internet
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.
For instance
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, when some people go on a vacation and they want to know more
information
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 related to that place, they will go to the
internet
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 and find some
information
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instead
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 of asking the people who live there.
As a result
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, the
internet
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 has proved its accessibility. Another considerable aspect of the data on the
internet
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 is free. To be more specific, if someone goes to the museum, they will need to pay the entrance fee, not only that, but they will distribute their money for travelling.
However
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, all
information
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 on the
internet
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 is free so they can take it without any payment.
Consequently
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, they will not have to allocate their money for
information
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. In conclusion, storing
information
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 on the
Internet
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 is better than storing it in a museum because it is easy to access and free for everybody.

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Task Achievement
Develop your main points further by providing more in-depth explanations or examples to support your arguments. For instance, elaborate on the benefits of museums alongside the points made about the internet.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly links to the main thesis statement in your introduction, reinforcing how your arguments support your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure to enhance the flow of your essay. This can help maintain the reader's interest and make your points clearer.
Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, which is essential in an argumentative essay. This helps guide the reader from the start.
Task Achievement
You've used relevant examples to illustrate your points, which strengthens your arguments. The example about accessing information while traveling was particularly effective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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