IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows changes in three different areas of crime in manchester city centre from 2003 to 2012.

The chart below shows changes in three different areas of crime in manchester city centre from 2003 to 2012.
The graph below illustrates the changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 three different modes of crimes
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
committed in Manchester city
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 in a
9
Add a hyphen
9-year
show examples
year
Use synonyms
period
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of crimes in these areas increased over the
period
Use synonyms
 with the exception of burglary. Burglary was the highest in
initial
Add an article
the initial
show examples
year
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 in the ultimate
year
Use synonyms
 car theft took the highest place. Robbery was always less popular
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
whole
Add an article
the whole
a whole
show examples
year
Use synonyms
Firstly
Linking Words
, the number of burglary had taken was below
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
3500 in 2003 and in a
year
Use synonyms
 it grew
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to above
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
3700. But it sharply
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 to approximately 1000 as the lowest
point
Use synonyms
 of itself in 2008 and in 2012 it was less than 1500.
Secondly
Linking Words
, car theft was between 2000 and 2500 in the initial
period
Use synonyms
although
Linking Words
 after 3 years it went down to 2000. In the final
Use synonyms
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
 it was in the greatest
point
Use synonyms
 almost 2800 commits.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, robbery was
aproximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 in the beginning and
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
Use synonyms
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 there was some growth and drop through
all
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 years. It rose close to 1000 in 2005
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 its very high
point
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 to 500 in 2008
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 its very lowest
point
Use synonyms
 in
whole
Add an article
the whole
show examples
period
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words year, period, point with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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