IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many children today are overweight and unhealthy. Give reasons for this and offer solutions.

The world
today
Use synonyms
 is very different from the past and that includes unhealthy and overweight
children
Use synonyms
.
Massive
Correct article usage
A massive
show examples
 amount of
children
Use synonyms
today
Use synonyms
 don't care about their health.
This
Linking Words
 is affecting them negatively
by
Change preposition
over
show examples
 time and they do not recognize
this
Linking Words
 problem.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the reasons for being overweight and unhealthy and the solutions
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem. There are many reasons for
children
Use synonyms
 being overweight and unhealthy.
Childrens
Correct your spelling
Children
today
Use synonyms
 are very lazy. They are always sitting at home without achieving any goals.
Also
Linking Words
,many of them always depend on fast food which is unhealthy for them. Fast food restaurants are full of harmful oil that causes overweight faster than normal.
In addition
Linking Words
, not going to the
gym
Use synonyms
 and doing some exercise
also
Linking Words
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 their health and body. The
gym
Use synonyms
 plays an important and noticeable role in their daily life. There are many solutions
also
Linking Words
 that might help
fixing
Wrong verb form
fix
show examples
 the situation.
First,
Linking Words
parents who have overweight
children
Use synonyms
 should subscribe their
childs
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a healthy restaurant. That definitely will help them. The second great solution is to start going to the
gym
Use synonyms
. Exercising
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 and
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 hard to
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 weight.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents should focus on their
children
Use synonyms
 and not
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 them the opportunity
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 only
eating
Wrong verb form
eat
show examples
 and
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 video games. In conclusion, overweight and unhealthy
children
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a serious problem in the world
today
Use synonyms
.
Children
Use synonyms
 should avoid the lazy routines that cause overweight. Sticking to a healthy diet and going to the
gym
Use synonyms
 is the solution.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to support your ideas with examples or reasons. For example, explain why fast food is harmful and give a specific solution for parents to try.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to organize your ideas better. Use clear paragraphing to help the reader follow your thoughts more easily. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea.
Coherence and Cohesion
Check your spelling and word choice for mistakes. For example, 'Childrens' should be 'Children' and 'loose weight' should be 'lose weight'.
Content
You identified several important reasons why children are unhealthy and overweight.
Content
You presented solutions clearly, which shows good thought in addressing the problem.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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