IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People should be at least 21 years old before they're allowed to drive a car. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Driving is a serious responsibility, and a higher
age
Use synonyms
 limit can ensure that only responsible individuals are driving. I strongly agree
,
Correct word choice
that, age
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
 limit for driving should be above 21 years old to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
maturity which allows a person to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 sound decisions
while
Linking Words
 they are
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
driving
Correct article usage
a driving
show examples
 seat.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, driving recklessly not only puts
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
 life in danger but
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 dangerous to others who are on the road. Young drivers do not think ahead of time, at the same time lack of experience can make a single miscalculation leading to devastating consequences.
For example
Linking Words
:
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
while
Linking Words
 driving is very common
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 among
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 generation which seems harmless until something bad happens. Reading a text message or searching
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
number
while
Linking Words
 driving might take only less than five seconds but
this
Linking Words
 is a very long time for
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 to happen on
road
Correct article usage
the road
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, setting a legal driving
age
Use synonyms
 at 21 could reduce the number of accidents as people become
move
Correct your spelling
more
show examples
 calm and responsible with
age
Use synonyms
. They remember their life does not only affect them but
also
Linking Words
 will have
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 impact on their family members and loved ones. To illustrate:
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 sole
bread winner
Correct your spelling
breadwinner
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
family
Add an article
the family
a family
show examples
 will think 100 times before making a decision which will result in any way affecting
single
Correct article usage
a single
show examples
 member negatively.
This
Linking Words
 is the reason, dependable person always drive safely not only thinking of themself, but everyone who is driving or walking around them.
Finally
Linking Words
, I would clearly state that
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would be in huge favour of setting
legal
Correct article usage
the legal
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 limit of driving to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
21 or above
for keeping
Change preposition
to keep
show examples
 our roads safe. Unsafe driving because of road rage or
show off
Add a hyphen
show-off
show examples
 usually happens during haste decision making
while
Linking Words
consiquences
Correct your spelling
consequences
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not affect you directly. If you are not earning and you do not have to worry about making payments
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or do not have
understanding
Add an article
an understanding
show examples
 towards financial loss you will not have impulse control over your bad or good choices
while
Linking Words
 behind
stearing
Correct your spelling
steering
 wheels.

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task achievement
Make sure each point you make is clear and directly supports your main argument. Use clear examples that relate closely to your points.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use better transitions between your ideas to make the essay flow more smoothly. This helps readers follow your thoughts easily.
coherence and cohesion
Proofread your essay for spelling and grammar mistakes, especially for words like 'your' and 'you're' or 'their' and 'there', to improve clarity.
task achievement
You provided some good reasons to support your view on the age limit, such as safety concerns and responsibility.
task achievement
The use of examples, like the phone use issue while driving, was helpful in supporting your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • drive
  • car
  • people
  • experience
  • maturity
  • safety
  • accidents
  • young
  • countries
  • responsibility
  • road
  • limit
  • age
  • individuals
  • safe
  • studies
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