IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days, many people are overweight. What are the causes and what are the solutions?

In recent decades the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who are engaged with obesity has increased.
This
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growing
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growth
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 has some
facotrs
Correct your spelling
factors
such
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 as lifestyle and diet
causes
Replace the word
cause
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 of overweight.
Also
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, it is essential to
be investigated
Wrong verb form
investigate
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 the consequences and tell the appropriate solutions to help the problem. At first sight, it can be clearly seen that
,
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apply
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one of the main reasons for
this
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 issue is that
people
Use synonyms
 used to eat more homemade
food
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 that
have
Change the verb form
has
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 enough
and
Correct word choice
apply
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essential nutrients.
However
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, today especially juveniles tend to eat delicious outgoing
food
Use synonyms
 and fast
food
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 which are high in
colories
Correct your spelling
calories
, sugar and fat. Another point that should be mentioned is related to the amount of
people
Use synonyms
's activities during the day.
In addition
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, with the rise of technology, many
people
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 now spend more time sitting at desks or using cars to go somewhere.
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
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 the need for walking has reduced.
On the other hand
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, for these reasons that mentioned we require to tell some solutions.
Firstly
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, I personally believe that all governments should spend a torrent of money on advertising
for example
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, on social media and on billboards all around the cities to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to eat healthy
food
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 like
vegetabels
Correct your spelling
vegetables
, fruits and supplements during their lives and
also
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, if they want to eat fast
food
Use synonyms
, they will be allowed only once a week.
secondly
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, in my opinion,
people
Use synonyms
 should less use cars and motorcycles for their activities.
Furthermore
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, they must go for a walk for almost 45 minutes during the day or go to the gym
for
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apply
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about three times a week.
Due to
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 the fact that
with
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by
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 participating in sports, they are able to reduce their overweight and give them an opportunity to promote their lifestyle. In conclusion, obesity is
maily
Correct your spelling
mainly
 caused by poor diet and lack of physical
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
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.
However
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, the governments'
advertises
Replace the word
advertisements
show examples
 and
change
Correct subject-verb agreement
changes
show examples
lifestyle
Change preposition
in lifestyle
show examples
 can reduce the number of overweight
people
Use synonyms
 and improve public health.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly separate and explain each point in its own paragraph to improve structure.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas, like statistics or studies on obesity or effects of healthy eating.
language use
Check spelling and grammar carefully, especially common words. For example, 'facotrs' should be 'factors' and 'vegetabels' should be 'vegetables'.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the causes of obesity and suggest practical solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction gives a good overview of the essay's topic and its importance.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • transnational problems
  • climate change
  • ozone layer depletion
  • pollution
  • collaborative efforts
  • pooling of resources
  • expertise
  • technology
  • innovative solutions
  • international standards
  • race to the bottom
  • environmental standards
  • capacity
  • impacts
  • national sovereignty
  • independently
  • economic
  • social contexts
  • international consensus
  • legal
  • political systems
  • enforcement
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