IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that children should be taught to be competitive in school. Others, however, say that cooperation and teamwork skills are more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

The people believe that the
children
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 should be learning how to deal with
competition
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 during approach education in their schools,
Whereas
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, other side argue discussion that
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
 as teams
Add the comma(s)
, as well as cooperation,
show examples
as well as
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 cooperation are more
effectives
Correct your spelling
effective
 than the
skills
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 of
competition
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 .
This
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 essay will discuss both sides and explain why I personally support
cooperative
Replace the word
cooperation
show examples
 and teamwork . On the one hand,
children
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 should have
diversity
Add an article
a diversity
the diversity
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 of
skills
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 whether these talents
were
Wrong verb form
are
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 physical
skills
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 like sports activities or
mentally
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mental
show examples
skills
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 that can
be encouraging
Wrong verb form
encourage
show examples
 their communication
skills
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.
For instance
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,
children
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 who have been taught
skills
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 of connecting with other kids
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
improved
Wrong verb form
improve
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 their
skills
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 . 
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Also
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Also,
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 these
skills
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 will
be enhanced
Wrong verb form
enhance
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 their
skills
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educational
Replace the word
education
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. So I tend to
skills
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 of
teams
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team
show examples
 work and cooperation with other kids are essential for them .
Therefore
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, I support
this
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 idea more than the
competition
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. On
ther
Correct your spelling
the
 other hand, those who advocate for
competition
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 argue that students who learn
skills
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 of learning
competitive
Change the word
competitively
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will have a lot of ability to
development
Replace the word
develop
show examples
 themselves .
For example
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, the students who
lean
Correct your spelling
learn
show examples
competitive
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competitively
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can discover their own
skills
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moreover
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,
competition
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 can
be create
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create
show examples
 self-confidence for their students. Another point of
competition
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 is can aid them in achieving successful careers or social activities. In conclusion,
although
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 both views have merit , I believe that teamwork and collaboration for
children
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 are
key
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keys
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of
Change preposition
to
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 success for their
futures
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future
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 like they will be
creatively
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creative
show examples
 in their careers in the
futures
Fix the agreement mistake
future
show examples
,
although
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competition
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 for
children
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 will be useful for their challenges and learning how to deal with these situations.

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task achievement
The introduction needs to clearly state both sides of the argument more directly and include a strong thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to improve the logical flow of ideas and help the reader follow your argument.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. For example, mention specific skills learned through teamwork or competition.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread for spelling and grammar mistakes, as these can distract from your message and lower your score.
task achievement
You have made an effort to discuss both sides of the argument, which is important for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your opinion, which is good and shows clarity of thought.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • competitiveness
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
  • motivation
  • empathy
  • interpersonal skills
  • community
  • holistic development
  • successful outcomes
  • strive
  • achievements
  • proponents
  • conflicts
  • balance
  • personal development
  • professional success
What to do next:
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