IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages? Transactions are trackable convenient if no cash available

In today's fast-paced
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 the topic
paying
Change preposition
of paying
show examples
 online has sparked considerable reasons among
man
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
 people.There are numerous advantages and disadvantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 online transactions.I am inclined to demonstrate both of the reasons with valid
descreptions
Correct your spelling
descriptions
. To being with, One of the primary
advantage
Change to a plural noun
advantages
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 online payment is that it is less
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion on whether there are more advantages or disadvantages. This will help guide your reader.
coherence
Try to use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to show what you will discuss.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention a mobile payment app that people use and explain how it helps them.
content
You have identified both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence
Your writing shows an attempt to organize thoughts, which is a great start.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: