IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Countries with long avarage working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have long working time. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

In today’s fast-paced world, the topic of long working hours has sparked considerable debate among many people.
While
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 some believe that it is beneficial for us to work more , others argue that it can cause
toxic
Correct article usage
a toxic
show examples
 working environment.
This
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 essay will thoroughly explore both perspectives and present a clear opinion on the matter. Ultimately, I am inclined to support
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 working hours
due to
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 the compelling reasons discussed below.
To begin
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 with, one of the primary reasons supporting less working
Use synonyms
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
 is that it can enhance our body .
This
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 factor plays a significant role especially
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
heatlh
Correct your spelling
health
perspectives
Fix the agreement mistake
perspective
show examples
 because we can't buy
hapinesss
Correct your spelling
happiness
 or health
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 money .
Moreover
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,
this
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 aspect often results in
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 impact, which can be observed in many cases.
For example
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, a recent study by Oman revealed that the flexible working
Use synonyms
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 08:00 to 16:00 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should not be exceeded .
Such
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 evidence demonstrates the importance of working
Use synonyms
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
 in shaping the
overall
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 scenario.
On the other hand
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, it is important to acknowledge the opposing perspective, which argues that there should be more working hours . Advocates of
this
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 view contend that it can cause numerous health , family,
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
, and many other issues. which may lead to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
anxiety, panic
attack
Fix the agreement mistake
attacks
show examples
, strokes,
heartfailure
Correct your spelling
heart failure
, hypertension,
highbloodpressure
Correct your spelling
high blood pressure
 and so on
This
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 opinion is supported by the fact that
giving
Verb problem
having
show examples
 no family
timing
Replace the word
time
show examples
 can cause
stressful
Correct article usage
a stressful
show examples
 environment
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 home, lack of energy , no family timing and many other.
For instance
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, in countries
such
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 as Japan
Add a comma
,
show examples
the implementation of
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 working
Use synonyms
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
 has resulted in impressive war , causing significant perfection among the population.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with examples.
task achievement
Clarify your stance in the introduction and conclusion to reinforce your opinion.
task achievement
Use more specific and clear examples to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammar to improve clarity.
task achievement
You introduced both sides of the argument well and stated your opinion clearly at the end.
task achievement
You attempted to use examples, which is a good approach to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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