IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In recent years, most
children
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
have used
show examples
 their
smartphones
Use synonyms
 for several hours on a daily basis.
This
Linking Words
 trend may be because
children
Use synonyms
 have access to their needs, and I strongly believe
this
Linking Words
 development has a positive impact on
children
Use synonyms
's improvement. There are many reasons why
children
Use synonyms
 are engaged with their
smartphones
Use synonyms
. in everyday activities. The first reason is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
 it provides easy access to entertainment,
such
Linking Words
 as games, videos, or music. Other than that, many educational applications can be accessed from their
smartphones
Use synonyms
. The reason why using
smartphones
Use synonyms
 can have a positive impact on
children
Use synonyms
's improvement is because they can learn many skills with their phones.
For example
Linking Words
, educational apps can improve
children
Use synonyms
's language skills, problem-solving, and creativity.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they have the opportunity to learn from various types of education methods,
such
Linking Words
 as videos, sound, or written materials. Despite that, spending their time on
smartphones
Use synonyms
 can help
children
Use synonyms
 to stay connected with their friends. So, even though they are separated from their friends, they can have an online meeting or discussion, which can support their emotional and social development. In conclusion, the increasing use of
smartphones
Use synonyms
 among
children
Use synonyms
 is because they can fulfil their entertainment needs, learning, and social interaction. I firmly believe that
this
Linking Words
 trend represents a positive development for
children
Use synonyms
's knowledge.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure your ideas flow logically from one to another. Use linking words like 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally' to connect your points better.
task response
In your introduction, clearly state your main points. This helps the reader understand what to expect in your essay.
task response
Add more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention a specific educational app that can improve language skills.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion that smartphone use can have positive effects on children, which is a strong position to take.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your main points and reaffirms your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: