IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and five your own

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It is argued that male
students
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 and female
students
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 should be in separate
schools
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,
while
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 others believe that it is more beneficial for them to study in the same school.
While
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 I believe that there is an advantage in gendered
schools
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 regarding puberty-related concerns, I would argue that it is better for both groups to study together under one school because modern society doesn't divide people based on sex, and it helps
students
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 to develop empathy and understanding for each other. One advantage of same-sex institutions is that they can prevent opposite-sex dating among
students
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 in the school. In many cultures, it is considered taboo for under-18
students
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 to date, fearing that pupils are in the puberty stage will take actions that are undesirable and regrettable. A prime example is teen pregnancies, which can happen when two normal adolescents explore each other's bodies without proper guidance from parents and teachers.
Thus
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, it is understandable that some prefer to divide male
students
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 and female
students
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 to prevent irreversible consequences.
However
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, it would be more beneficial for these
students
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 if they were educated on those sex education topics because those issues are inevitable in their adult lives. Teen pregnancies will happen regardless of educational settings;
hence
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, it is recommended that sex education be well taught in
schools
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 for
students
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 of that age.
Furthermore
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, mixed
schools
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 provide a learning opportunity to have empathy for others and skill sets for future situations.
For instance
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, boys can learn about menstrual cycles so that they can understand a woman's monthly pain, and know what to do when a fellow female student or their future wife is having their period. In conclusion,
while
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 it is reasonable to worry about body curiosity among
students
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 during the puberty stage and its consequences, mixed
schools
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 provide a safe space for
students
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 of both sexes to understand each other's growing struggles and equip them with knowledge
that is
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 helpful for their adult lives.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. The first side is shorter than the second side.
task response
Give your opinion in a very direct way in the introduction and keep the same idea through the essay.
task response
Add one more clear example for the first view so both views feel well developed.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is good, but a few ideas move too fast. Use simple words like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
A few sentences are long. Shorter sentences can make your meaning clearer.
task response
You answered both views and gave your own opinion clearly.
task response
Your ideas are relevant and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well in many places, such as while, however, furthermore, and thus.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • single-sex schools
  • mixed-gender education
  • gender-specific teaching techniques
  • stereotypes
  • real-world preparation
  • distraction-free environment
  • holistic development
  • social integration
  • interpersonal skills
  • collaborative learning
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