IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

In today's society,
advertisements
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 play a significant role in influencing
individuals
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 to
purchase
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. Some argue that advertising forces us to
purchase
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 unnecessary stuff as well,
while
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 others refute that influence by advertising
creates
Verb problem
makes
show examples
 our lives much better and efficient. I mostly agree with the view that
individuals
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 often
purchase
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 needless
things
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due to
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 being influenced by advertising.
This
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 essay discusses my views about
this
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 statement based on the evidence that researchers have demonstrated.
This
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 tendency of people to
purchase
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 unnecessary
things
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 is often seen in the
food
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 industry. In Australia, the advertising industry has developed significantly compared to a decade ago. As advertising skills and numbers increased, the number of children who have experienced overweight or obesity increased as well. The Australian Institute of Health portrayed the results of the survey. They represented that there are more than 470 million young children aged between 5
to
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and
show examples
 19 who have experienced being overweight in Australia. They added,
more
Correct word choice
that more
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 than 90% of them answered that they often consume comfort
food
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, which is fast
food
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,
due to
Linking Words
 being influenced by ads. These outcomes support the notion that advertising is forceful in buying
things
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 that they don't need.
In addition
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, advertising often stimulates our emotions and desires, making people believe that purchasing certain
products
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 will improve their happiness level or social status.
For example
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,
advertisements
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 for beauty
products
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 frequently suggest that having these items might lead to greater success.
This
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 could be pressure for
individuals
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 to buy
things
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 they do not need, simply to fit into societal expectations created by these
advertisements
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.
However
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, some
advertisements
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 promote to us new
products
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 that make our lives more convenient.
For example
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,
advertisements
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 from dison, they always encourage us to improve better quality of our lives with their
products
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. In conclusion,
while
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advertisements
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 can introduce innovative
products
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 that can improve our quality of life, they
also
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 strongly influence people to
purchase
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 items they do not necessarily need.
This
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 is especially evident in industries like
food
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 and beauty. Emotional appeal and societal pressure are used to appeal to consumers' behaviour.
Therefore
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, I mostly agree that advertising often leads
individuals
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 to make unnecessary purchases, and it is important for consumers to be aware of
this
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 influence and make thoughtful choices.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with examples.
task achievement
Provide a more balanced view by discussing the benefits of advertising in more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler and clearer sentences to express your ideas more effectively.
positive
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
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