IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Use synonyms
Competition
Correct article usage
The competition
show examples
method
Use synonyms
,
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 smartest
method
Use synonyms
 that you can use to make
people
Use synonyms
 do the work
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the best way, nowadays many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
using
Wrong verb form
use
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 it, because they believe
this
Linking Words
method
Use synonyms
 works. but,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand we can consider
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 are different
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
do
Correct pronoun usage
who do
show examples
 not think
this
Linking Words
method
Use synonyms
 is useful so that today I will share the reason with you.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who
is think
Change the verb form
think
show examples
competition
Use synonyms
 is a good thing
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
know how to treat
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it. They can easily know what is the best point to do a
competition
Use synonyms
 in , not everything in daily life you can make a
competition
Use synonyms
 with
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because there are a lot of problems not everyone can not deal with , so those
people
Use synonyms
knows
Change the verb form
know
show examples
 and they are working very smart.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
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 If you
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
 do a
competition
Use synonyms
 between 2 students
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Math subject , you should select who
are having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 the best grades.
Secondly
Linking Words
 ,
people
Use synonyms
 who
is think
Change the verb form
think
show examples
competition
Use synonyms
 is a bad thing
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not know how to
treat
Verb problem
deal
show examples
 with it.
the
Correct your spelling
They
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 can not deal with the idea of
competition
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, so they
always
Add a missing verb
are always
show examples
 upset and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
do not believe
this
Linking Words
 will make a difference in their life. They took the
competition
Use synonyms
 in
fully badly
Correct your spelling
full-body
show examples
 emotions like stress without any good feeling.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 high school students who are taking a summer program before applying
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 universities and
this
Linking Words
 program will be the door to their dreams. In my opinion,
Use synonyms
competition
Correct article usage
the competition
show examples
method
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 with everyone, it
is depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
whether people
show examples
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can deal with the idea or not. and
pleas
Correct your spelling
please
show examples
 do not do it with high school
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
this
Linking Words
method
Use synonyms
 fell them down.

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task achievement
Your introduction needs to clearly state both views and your opinion. Make sure your thesis is clear.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use linking words (like 'firstly', 'secondly', 'in conclusion') to make your writing flow better.
task achievement
Your examples are not fully developed. Provide more detail to support your points.
task achievement
You included personal opinions, which is good for IELTS essays.
task achievement
You attempted to discuss both views, which is important for this type of question.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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