IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that governments should invest more in public transportation instead of building new roads. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

Many advocate that the government should invest more in public
transportation
Use synonyms
 rather than construct new roads. I strongly believe that investing in public
transportation
Use synonyms
 is beneficial for
people
Use synonyms
's comfort and convenience in their daily lives. By investing in public
transportation
Use synonyms
 improvement the government is taking action to reduce traffic in their area. Many
transportation
Use synonyms
 options
such
Linking Words
 as buses or trains should be options to encourage
people
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 to take public
transport
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, which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 cheaper and more convenient.
Furthermore
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, if everyone uses public
transport
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, the highway can be used for emergencies without causing congestion,
such
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 as for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hospital and police emergencies.
For instance
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, Singapore, one of the best countries with advanced public
transport
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, has MRT (Mass Rail
Transport
Use synonyms
) which can reach almost all areas in Singapore at lower prices and long service times,
as a result
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, most individuals prefer to take MRT,
instead
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 of their own
transportation
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.
Moreover
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, investing a significant portion of the government's budget
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 public
transport
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 advancement will help to increase
air
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 quality in their country. Many
people
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 will leave their cars at home, which reduces
air
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 pollution caused by vehicle emissions.
In addition
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, not only improves
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
Use synonyms
air
Correct word choice
and air
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 but
also
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people
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's health, because usually they have to walk to the nearest public terminal or station.
For instance
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, In Japan, because they have a good public
transportation
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 system, cities have fresh and clean
air
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, and there are numerous elderly who can still walk easily and work since they have to take a long walk to the station at their young ages. In conclusion, many
people
Use synonyms
 may feel building new roads is essential rather than public
transport
Use synonyms
 advancement.
Therefore
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, I firmly believe that focusing on public
transport
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 is a positive development for individuals productivity, money saving, and their health.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position, which is good. However, try to make your thesis statement more precise.
coherence coherence
Your paragraphs are organized but could benefit from clearer topic sentences to guide the reader. Each paragraph should start with a strong main idea.
task achievement
In some parts, your ideas could be more developed with additional details. Aim to explain your points in more depth.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples from Singapore and Japan, which support your main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear conclusion, summarizing your thoughts well.
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