IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You have recently attended a conference and want to give feedback to the organizer. Write a letter to the event organizer. In your letter: Describe the conference Mention the positives and negatives Suggest improvements for future events

Dear Sir, I hope you are doing well. I am writing today to express my appreciation for the career fair event organized by the Directorate of Student Affairs of Carleton University. The conference went pretty well, as there is a good scope of interacting and discussing with the multiple
company's
Change noun form
company
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 representatives regarding the future opportunities offered by them.
Additionally
Linking Words
, It was a great place to increase your network in a specific job field by presenting your skill set via an updated resume.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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observed that some people are struggling to get to the right company's desk, which has current or future offerings regarding the specific field of any individual. I will suggest that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 more help desk representatives should be allocated in future as a part of better event planning.
Linking Words
At
Change the preposition
In
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 the end, I would like to
appreciate
Verb problem
thank
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 the entire DSA team for organizing
such
Linking Words
 a remarkable career fair event. Sincerely, Mohit

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to keep one main idea in each paragraph to improve clarity.
task response
Add a bit more detail to your points about the positives and negatives to make your feedback clearer.
task response
Consider using a more formal tone in some sentences to match the purpose of the letter.
coherence and cohesion
You have a good greeting and closing in your letter, which is great for formal writing.
task response
You pointed out both positive aspects and areas for improvement, showing a balanced view.
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