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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows what Anthropology gradutes from one university did after finishing their undergradute degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years.

The chart below shows what Anthropology gradutes from one university did after finishing their undergradute degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years.
The pie chart illustrates the percentage of university
students
Use synonyms
 in different occupations who completed
Anthroplogy
Correct your spelling
Anthropology
while
Linking Words
 the table provides information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
type
Add an article
the type
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 of employment and payroll of anthropologists after working for a period of five years.
Overall
Linking Words
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of
students
Use synonyms
 were engaged in
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
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time
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, maximum income is generated by employees working in government companies in comparison
of
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to
show examples
 workers in other sectors. In terms of
time
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 allocated to
work
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, more than 50
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
students
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work
Use synonyms
 as
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
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time
Use synonyms
 employees.
However
Linking Words
, 12
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of graduates
works
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work
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part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
Use synonyms
 and
8percent
Correct your spelling
8 per cent
 of
students
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 enrolled in
postdated
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the postdated
show examples
 study
along with
Linking Words
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
. The anthropologists who did not get employed
constitutes
Correct subject-verb agreement
constitute
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
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20
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, two- fifth of them studied are indulged in
postrage
Correct your spelling
postage
 study.
Additionally
Linking Words
, 20
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
students
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 working as freelance workers earned income between 25000 and 75000.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
similar
Change the article
a similar
the similar
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 number of people working in
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 sector earned the same amount of money as freelance consultants.
Moreover
Linking Words
, 80
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of people from both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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occupations earned more than 75000$. In
context
Add an article
the context
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 of private businesses,
maximum
Change the article
a maximum
the maximum
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 number of people got
pay
Wrong verb form
paid
show examples
 between 50000 to 75000.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "additionally".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, time, work, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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