IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some believe that younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting older family members when they become physically, mentally, and financially unable to look after themselves. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, the way
people
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 interact with their families has changed. Some
people
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 feel that youngsters in
family
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families
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 like children should be legally responsible for assisting older family
members
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such
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 as
parents
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 when they are unable to look after themselves. I strongly agree with
this
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 opinion.
This
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 essay will discuss why
this
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 development is essential for our society. One of the main
concern
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concerns
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 of today's society is that many young
people
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 ignore their responsibilities especially when it comes to looking after their older family
members
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such
Linking Words
 as
parents
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,
grand
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grandparents
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parents
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 when they become weak.
Therefore
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, it is important to have legal
procedure
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procedures
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 to ensure
this
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 and it will help to prevent various social issues.
For instance
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, in the past decades, the number of
elders
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elderly
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 homes
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 drastically increased because many children tend to send their
parents
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 to age
care
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 centres.
Hence
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, if young
people
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 have
legal
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a legal
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 obligation
on taking
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to take
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care
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 of their older family
members
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, they will definitely take it
serious
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seriously
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.
Furthermore
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, another main aspect of
this
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 argument is that domestic violence because of age discrimination. Many young
people
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 tend to behave arrogantly with their older loved ones once they become physically, mentally, and financially unable to look after them. If the government can impose laws on punishing
for
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apply
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domestic violence against elder
people
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, they will ensure to take
care
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them
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of them
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 properly. The more laws
impose
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imposed
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 on taking
care
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 of older
people
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, the more benefits they will get from their younger loved ones. In conclusion,
this
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 essay discussed the major concerns about older family
members
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, which are ignorance and domestic violence by
their
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the
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 younger generation.
While
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 by imposing laws, how will assist them
to receive
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in receiving
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 support from youngsters whenever they
need
Correct pronoun usage
need it
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.

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction is clear, but you could add a brief overview of your main points to guide the reader better.
coherence cohesion
In each paragraph, make sure to clearly connect your ideas to the main argument of the essay. Each point should build on the last one to strengthen your case.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points, such as personal stories or data, which can help to make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Make sure to check your grammar and punctuation. Some sentences are unclear because of minor errors.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and you stick to it throughout the essay, which is important for task achievement.
task achievement
You did a good job of identifying important social issues related to your topic, which shows you understand the significance of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • filial piety
  • elder care
  • aging population
  • public resources
  • state welfare
  • financial burden
  • legal mandate
  • family dynamics
  • moral responsibility
  • residency
  • integrity
  • dependency
What to do next:
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