IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and five your opinion.

The utilisation of
government's
Change noun form
government
show examples
 funds is always a pressing concern.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is not fruitful to give a lot of money to support artists, others
considered
Wrong verb form
consider
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 that finances must
be spend
Change the verb form
be spent
show examples
 for other purposes. I believe that it is imperative to spend money on social activities to minimise social inequality.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both these views and give reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 my opinion. On the one hand, it
is contend
Change the verb form
is contended
show examples
 by many that
government's
Change noun form
government
show examples
 funds must be used for social well-being. Many
people
Use synonyms
 in less developed countries are unable to fulfil their basic needs
due to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty and limited free health options. To overcome these problems government should spend fiances on community development projects namely free schooling, more jobs, and free
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 services.
As a result
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, poor
people
Use synonyms
 who suffer from social inequality will get equal opportunities
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 growth. Could the opposing view
also
Linking Words
 be valid? Certainly, it can.
Numerious
Correct your spelling
Numerous
 folk do
strat
Correct your spelling
start
show examples
 their career as an artist and promote cultural heritage. These
people
Use synonyms
 use their creative skills in drawings,
paintings
Correct word choice
and paintings
show examples
, and make sketches. When
people
Use synonyms
 do visit them they
familiaise
Correct your spelling
familiarise
familiarize
 themselves with the history.
Moreover
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,
art work
Correct your spelling
artwork
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
 used in medical fields to know the emotions of any person. After examining the pros and cons of both schools of thought, I presume that social equality must be the first priority
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the governments. Because through education and good
health
Add a comma
health,
show examples
 new generations will be able to participate in the development of a country. in conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 artists provide
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
emotional support,
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
 finances should be used for other economic development purposes. I believe that funds must be used for individual and
eonomic
Correct your spelling
economic
 growth.

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task response
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion more clearly. This helps the reader understand your position better.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer logical connectors to show transitions between ideas. Words such as 'however', 'moreover', and 'firstly' can help guide the reader.
task response
You have made a good attempt to discuss both views on government spending on artists and social issues, showing an understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your opinion well and ties back to the main points discussed, which helps close the argument nicely.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • government
  • support
  • artists
  • waste
  • money
  • important
  • society
  • culture
  • community
  • benefits
  • healthcare
  • education
  • responsible
  • prioritize
  • essential
  • projects
  • connect
  • perspective
  • globalized
  • rich
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