IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With the increased global demand for oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agree?

The prevalence of demand for
oil
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 and
gas
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 causes more places where unexplored must be launched
as
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apply
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a achieve a lot of
resources
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. These natural aspects have some drawbacks in various areas of the world
such
Linking Words
 as
addiction
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 to these
resources
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 and less attention to discovering new things in other
fields
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 like non-
oil
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industries
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. In
favor
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favour
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 of the
addiction
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 to
oil
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 and
gas
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, the countries try to develop their
every
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
fields
Change to a singular noun
field
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 at the same time because sources of the environment change day by day. If one country prefers to invest all its budget
to
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in
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 the construction of undiscovered places for accessing more natural
resources
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 ,
this
Linking Words
 way may lead to overwhelming in chosen
fields
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, including: preparing ready fuel and selling
gas
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 to other countries through pipelines.
Hence
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,
financial
Add an article
the financial
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 position of the government will
Add a missing verb
be addict
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addict
Replace the word
addicted
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 to just the business of these
resources
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. To illustrate
this
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,
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Oil
Correct article usage
the Oil
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 and
gas
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industries
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 had a crucial role in Azerbaijan industry because 65% of the government’s budget came from there in 2024.
As a result
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, it may encounter a recession in the future
due to
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addiction
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 to natural
resources
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.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 trend
also
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 influences other
fields
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 which require more attention for
develop
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development
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. New cutting edges
such
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 as technological items and car
industries
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 should acquire raw materials in order to meet customers’ needs.
For instance
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, in vehicle development stages, factories and
equipments
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equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 have
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
show examples
 impact to bring completed products. If the states focus free areas only for
gas
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 and
oil
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, some organizations do not access raw materials and accommodation to produce their goods.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a country will not achieve to improve each industry in the same period.
For example
Linking Words
, based on a report by Forbes, The United Arab Emirates is the best example of
Use synonyms
oil
Correct article usage
an oil
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 country.
As a result
Linking Words
, they are known just as a source of
oil
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 in the world and do not have any developed other
industries
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 except
from
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apply
show examples
it. In conclusion,
oil
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 and
gas
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 have huge impacts in some countries but it does not mean that the government should allocate a lot of undiscovered areas for their increase. It has some disadvantages like
addiction
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on
Change preposition
to
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 natural
resources
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 and ignoring other important
fields
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 , especially the car and technology
industries
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.

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task achievement
The introduction is a bit unclear. Try to restate the topic clearly and present your opinion more directly. A clear thesis statement can help the reader understand your position.
coherence
Your paragraphs need clearer topic sentences to guide the reader. Each paragraph should start with a main idea that connects to your overall argument.
task achievement
Include more specific examples that clearly support your points. This will help strengthen your arguments and show deeper understanding.
task achievement
You have good examples like Azerbaijan and UAE that show your understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global demand
  • finite resources
  • energy consumption
  • exploiting
  • untouched ecosystems
  • carbon emissions
  • climate change
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable energy solutions
  • geopolitical consequences
  • territorial disputes
  • dependency
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