IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that violent punishment is better to train a child, while others argue that there are other effective methods to do this. Discuss the advantage and disadvantages of beating up a child

It is thought by some that beating up a
child
Use synonyms
 is better to discipline a
child
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,
while
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 others believe that there are different effective ways to train a
child
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. The main benefit of beating up
children
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 is that it
tecahes
Correct your spelling
teaches
 them valuable lessons.
However
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, there are significant downsides
such
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 as promoting
violence
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 and damaging parent-
child
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relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
. It is important to note that it is beneficial to discipline
children
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 by using
physical
Correct article usage
a physical
show examples
 punishment approach.
Furthermore
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, wounds are inflicted on
children
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 as they are beaten up.
This
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 enables them
remember
Add the particle
to remember
show examples
 their offences and prevents them from misbehaving again because of the harm and pain they suffer as they are being beaten up.
For example
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, recent studies in Nigeria show that
children
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 who are punished physically often turn out to be upright members of
society
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. One major demerit of physically punishing
children
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 is that it encourages
violence
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 because
children
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are scolded in a violent manner continue the cycle of
violence
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 which is detrimental to
society
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 as a whole.
Additionally
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, it destroys
parent-
Correct article usage
the parent-child
show examples
child
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 relationship as
children
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 brought up
this
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 way lose a sense of respect for their parents and develop resentment towards them
instead
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.
This
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instills
Change the spelling
instils
show examples
 fear, anxiety and low self-esteem in them and they grow up to become badly behaved adults in
society
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. Rather than beating them up,
children
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 should be trained with effective
commuication
Correct your spelling
communication
, clear boundaries and rewarded for being well-behaved by
purchading
Correct your spelling
purchasing
 gifts and getting treats for them.
For instance
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, in my country, Tanzania, it can be observed that
children
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 who were brought up with
this
Linking Words
 approach become morally decadent which has a negative impact on
society
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. In conclusion, using harmful ways to scold a
child
Use synonyms
 has
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
 outcomes like promoting valuable life lessons.
However
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, some drawbacks involve encouraging
violence
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 and destroying parent-
child
Use synonyms
 relationships.

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task achievement
Provide a clearer thesis statement that outlines both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and link the ideas smoothly with transitional words.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your main points and strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The concern for the negative impact of physical punishment on children is well stated.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • violent
  • punishment
  • train
  • child
  • advantage
  • disadvantage
  • obey
  • immediate
  • fear
  • consequences
  • emotional
  • physical
  • harm
  • unloved
  • scared
  • behavior
  • wrong
  • teach
  • normal
  • effective
  • methods
  • positive
  • reinforcement
  • encourage
  • bond
  • parents
  • respect
  • trust
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