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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that violent punishment is better to train a child, while others argue that there are effective methods to do this. Do you think the advantages outweigh the advantages.

It is often thought by some that using a violent
punishment
Use synonyms
 approach to train a
child
Use synonyms
 is better,
while
Linking Words
 others think that positive reinforcement is much better.
Although
Linking Words
 physical
punishment
Use synonyms
 leads to immediate obedience, I believe the drawbacks outnumber the advantages because it promotes
violence
Use synonyms
 and physical
punishment
Use synonyms
 damages a
child
Use synonyms
 psychologically and emotionally. On the one hand, the main reason people believe Physical
punishment
Use synonyms
 is better is because it leads to quick obedience and adherence to instructions.
This
Linking Words
 is because when
children
Use synonyms
 know the consequences of their actions, they tend to behave properly as opposed to when they are unaware that their actions are wrong and go ahead to misbehave.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, wounds are inflicted on them when they are beaten and the pain makes them remember their misbehaviour which enables them
become
Add the particle
to become
show examples
 morally upright.
For example
Linking Words
, in Nigeria, it can be observed that
children
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 who are disciplined violently turn out to become better
individuals
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 in
society
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 rather than those who are not.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the disadvantage of being beaten up as a
child
Use synonyms
 encourages
violence
Use synonyms
 as
such
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 see
this
Linking Words
 as normal behaviour. They grow up to become aggressive
individuals
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 and continue the cycle of
violence
Use synonyms
 which is detrimental to
society
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 at large.
Additionally
Linking Words
, physical
punishment
Use synonyms
 causes
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
physical and emotional harm to
children
Use synonyms
. They grow up to become adults with fear, anxiety and low self-esteem.
This
Linking Words
 is because they lose a sense of respect for their parents and fear them which leads to resentment.
For instance
Linking Words
, in my country, people who are brought up in
this
Linking Words
 violent manner turn out to become morally decadent
individuals
Use synonyms
 which is detrimental to
society
Use synonyms
 as a whole. In conclusion, some people think that it is better to scold
children
Use synonyms
 by beating them up,
while
Linking Words
 others think that gentle parenting is a much better approach
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 raising
children
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay believes that
although
Linking Words
 violently punishing a
child
Use synonyms
 fosters immediate obedience, it causes
violence
Use synonyms
 and encourages mentally and physically damaged
individuals
Use synonyms
 in
society
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Try to provide a clearer thesis statement at the end of the introduction. Make sure it states your opinion clearly on both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas more smoothly. Use linking words like 'firstly,' 'in addition,' and 'finally' to guide the reader through your points.
task achievement
Use examples that are more specific and relatable. Mention studies or expert opinions to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which shows good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your main points and clearly states your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • train
  • child
  • methods
  • advantages
  • fear
  • respect
  • alternative
  • understand
  • trust
  • behavior
  • rules
  • praise
  • bond
  • communication
  • problems
  • mental health
  • learning
  • difficult
  • mistakes
What to do next:
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