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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

It is true that modern
technology
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 has completely transformed interpersonal
relationships
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.
While
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 many individuals view
this
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 as a positive transformation, others believe that
technology
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 has driven
people
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 apart. In my opinion, both perspectives have valid points, and in
this
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 essay, I will discuss these viewpoints. There are numerous benefits of technological advancements in enhancing human
relationships
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. First of all,
technology
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 allows us to stay in close contact with our loved ones. With the use of mobile phones, we can instantly communicate with our friends,
whereas
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 in the past, it would take weeks to receive a letter.
Secondly
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,
technology
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 fosters a sense of community online.
In other words
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, even when we are away from home, we can update our connections about our lives using social media. These advantages of modern communication tools are particularly crucial for those in long-distance
relationships
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.
For instance
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, they can make daily video calls via FaceTime and Skype,
instead
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 of making expensive international phone calls.
On the other hand
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, when modern
technology
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 is misused, it can damage real-life
relationships
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. Many internet users refuse to engage in face-to-face interactions with others, preferring to chat online with their friends.
This
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 situation poses a serious threat to communities by making
people
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 more isolated and intolerant. The fewer real-life interactions there are, the more isolated we become. Another negative impact of
technology
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 on socializing is the dependence it creates.
People
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 who limit their online presence often experience feelings of social exclusion.
While
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 their peers stay connected on platforms
such
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 as TikTok and Instagram, those who do not use these platforms might feel secluded. In conclusion, there is no doubt that
technology
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 has made it possible for
people
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 to stay in touch frequently, regardless of the distance.
However
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, when these technologies are not used cautiously, they can harm the sense of community and cause social isolation.

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task achievement
Make sure each paragraph clearly supports the main idea of the essay. Each point made should have a clear connection to the thesis.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve flow. This will help the reader follow your ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a balanced view of both sides, which enriches the discussion.
task achievement
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and well-structured, providing a good overview of your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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