IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people assume that the goal of every country should be to produce more materials and goods. To what extent do you agree or disagree that constantly increasing production is an appropriate goal?

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Some people believe that the main goal of every country should be to increase the
production
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 of goods and materials.
While
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this
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 approach may seem beneficial for economic growth, I believe that constantly prioritizing
production
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 has significant drawbacks and is not always an appropriate goal.
First,
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focusing solely on increasing
production
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 can harm the environment. Manufacturing industries often contribute to pollution, deforestation, and greenhouse gas emissions.
For instance
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, factories releasing toxic chemicals into rivers can harm ecosystems and wildlife. If countries prioritize
production
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 without considering environmental consequences, the damage could be irreversible. A better approach would be sustainable development, which balances
production
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 with environmental protection.
Second,
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overproduction can lead to waste and inefficiency. Producing more goods does not always mean they will be used or needed.
For example
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, when companies manufacture large quantities of items that are not in demand, these products often go to waste, leading to resource depletion.
Instead
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 of increasing
production
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, countries should focus on innovation and improving the quality of products to meet actual needs.
Lastly
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, constantly increasing
production
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 can neglect other important aspects of a country’s development,
such
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 as education, healthcare, and social welfare.
For example
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, investing in education can create a skilled workforce, which will benefit the economy in the long term.
Similarly
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, prioritizing healthcare ensures a healthy population, which is essential for any country’s progress. In conclusion,
while
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 increasing
production
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 may have economic benefits, it is not always the best goal for a country. Focusing on sustainability, efficiency, and
overall
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 development is more appropriate for long-term success.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more linking words and phrases to further connect your ideas and maintain the flow. While your essay is logically structured, additional connectives can help clarify the relationship between sentences and paragraphs.
task response
Further develop some points by adding more specific examples or data. This will strengthen your argument and show a deeper engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This makes it easy to follow and understand.
task response
You effectively addressed the task by discussing both benefits and drawbacks of increasing production, which shows a balanced approach to the question.
task response
The use of specific examples, such as environmental impacts and waste issues, adds depth and illustrates your points well.
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