IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Education for young people is important in many countries. However, some people think that the government should spend more money on education for the adult population who cannot read and write. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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Some individuals believe that the government should spend more money educating adults who cannot read and write. I strongly agree with
this
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 suggestion, as teaching them these basic skills would enable them to avail themselves of better opportunities in life.
Moreover
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,
this
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 would
also
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 help to enhance countries' Gross Domestic Product.
To begin
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 with, individuals who cannot read and write often have poor living conditions, and teaching them these skills empowers them to enhance their living standards by making them eligible for better opportunities. Uneducated
people
Use synonyms
 in India are working underpaid and
due to
Linking Words
 their educational background,
this
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 is their only option for their survival.
Furthermore
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, these individuals when schooled help to improve the nationwide literacy rate, making the nation a lucrative place for new businesses to emerge.
Additionally
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,
this
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also
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 helps to enhance nations' reputations and even enables them to secure their seat amongst developed countries. Another prime benefit of teaching these adults is the opportunity to reduce the crime rate. In America most crimes are committed by illiterate adults and schooling those
people
Use synonyms
 enables them to have different sources for their survival. Ultimately,
this
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 naturally brings crime to lower and helps foster a safer environment for everyone.
Consequently
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, as more
people
Use synonyms
 from
this
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 sector start to work, they help the country to compete in the global race by increasing countries' GDP.
For instance
Linking Words
, Japan's GDP has been growing each year because of more
people
Use synonyms
 being employed and for a larger audience to be employed, governments need to spend more money on education for grown-ups to help those who cannot read and write. In conclusion, I strongly agree that schooling these grown-ups is absolutely essential and governments should pour more money
for
Change preposition
into
show examples
 their schooling to improve their lives and
also
Linking Words
 to foster a safer environment for the residents.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive. For instance, including statistics or facts about the impact of adult education on employment rates would enhance your overall response.
coherence
Make sure to maintain consistent transitions between your ideas to improve the flow of your essay. Adding more linking words could help clarify relationships between paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which is a strong start to your essay.
coherence
The arguments you presented are relevant and build on the idea of the importance of adult education, demonstrating clear reasoning.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • education
  • young people
  • government
  • money
  • adult population
  • read
  • write
  • development
  • nation
  • improve
  • quality of life
  • investing
  • reduced
  • poverty
  • income inequality
  • funds
  • balancing
  • budget allocation
  • crucial
  • equal access
  • opportunities
  • promoting
  • literacy
  • numeracy
  • positive effects
  • society
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