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Writing Samples
Band 7

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Healthcare systems struggle with tackling health problems as the share of overweight individuals increases. Some
people
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 argue that introducing lessons which mostly focus on physical education is the most effective way to handle
this
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 issue. In my opinion,
this
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 option should be considered as a potential solution, but incentives for pushing
people
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 towards a healthy
diet
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also
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 play a crucial role. Obesity has become a serious concern among
people
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 including youngsters, which requires institutions to provide extracurricular activities,
such
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 as physical subjects. If students, especially those who suffer from obesity, are encouraged to actively participate in
such
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 lessons,
then
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 they will lose weight much more easily. Teachers are the ones responsible for explaining the benefits of doing these exercises
,
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apply
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 and creating a well-defined plan which includes weekly steps needed to achieve the desired outcome, and
as a result
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, students can overcome their overweight problems.
On the other hand
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, alongside physical education, the significance of
diet
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 should not be undermined. Experiencing a growth in the number of overweight
people
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also
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 comes from unhealthy eating patterns. There is an incline towards consuming junk and processed foods which contain addictive chemicals, and
this
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 in turn leads to overconsumption. If governments increase the prices of
such
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 foods, which are detrimental to human health,
then
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people
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 will show less willingness to buy them, and
instead
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, they will have more incentive to buy products that include necessary vitamins.
Consequently
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,
people
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 would automatically follow their
diet
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 without eating something else apart from their
diet
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 routine. In conclusion, the introduction of physical training in the school curriculum would effectively help those who are overweight, but to achieve better results, it is essential to adjust the prices of fast foods to make
people
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 follow their
diet
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.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. You mentioned that the option should be considered but stating a clear agreement or disagreement would strengthen your position.
coherence and cohesion
In your paragraphs, try to relate the ideas more closely. For example, connect the impact of physical education directly to diet changes to show a clear link between them.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or statistics to support your arguments about the benefits of physical education and healthy eating. This will make your points more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You demonstrate a good understanding of the issue and present both sides of the argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity rates
  • health care system
  • physical education
  • instill
  • long term
  • raise awareness
  • healthier lifestyle choices
  • nutritional education
  • active transport
  • quality of instruction
  • facilities and equipment
  • diet control initiatives
  • community sports programs
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