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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Success is often measured in terms of how much money somebody has earned. PARA 1 Do you think wealth is a good measure of success? PARA 2 How else could we measure whether somebody is successful or not? Main topic? success

In the
last
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 decade, many people have widely debated concepts of accomplishment. Some people agree that
success
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 can often be measured by the amount of money an individual has earned. Personally, I believe that wealth can measure someone’s materialistic achievement,
however
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, there are other efficient ways to detect it. Many public feel that wealth can be an effective method to measure
success
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,
however
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, I feel that how much money somebody has earned can determine achievement up to some extent. People who are financially stable,
for instance
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, tend to have luxurious properties and vehicles where only materialistic achievements can be identified.
As a result
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 of
this
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, the rich seem to have a social reputation and recognition. The more population have money, the higher their social status is.
Although
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 richness might be an indicator of accomplishment, there are other alternatives that are effective and efficient. One of the significant measurements is the presence of strong, healthy relationships because they play a crucial role in our lives. If someone has a close bond with their loved ones, it can be considered
as
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apply
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an excellent way to reach
success
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.
Consequently
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, life which is full of positive connections, may become rewarding and enjoyable. Our level of peace of mind is another great way to measure anyone’s accomplishment.
Due to
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 various factors
such
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 as stressful work environments,
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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 tend to have less peace of mind these days.
Therefore
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 if someone has a friendly and supportive work culture, they are blessed, and it is a great way to achieve achievement. In conclusion,
this
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 essay discussed how wealth measures an individual’s
success
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 to some extent. In my opinion,
success
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 is not only defined by healthy relationships but
also
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 by peace of mind.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports that idea directly.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points about success.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more smoothly with linking words.
task achievement
You presented a clear argument that wealth is not the only measure of success.
coherence and cohesion
You provided a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
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