IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the government should provide financial support to artists, such as painters and musicians, while others argue that it is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Group of people convinced that the
government
Use synonyms
 should spend money to
support
Use synonyms
art
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 Group of people convinced that the
government
Use synonyms
 should spend money to
support
Use synonyms
art
Use synonyms
’s
works
Correct your spelling
artworks
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 and artists,
such
Linking Words
 as painters and musicians
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 argue that it is a waste of money. In
this
Linking Words
Correct your spelling
essay
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say
Add a comma
say,
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 I will discuss both views and explain my own opinion . The portion of individuals who encourage supporting
government
Use synonyms
 to the
arts
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
believe that
art
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help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 with cultural preservation and societal development.
Government
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 funding the
arts
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 ensures that cultural heritage
maintained
Add a missing verb
is maintained
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 and accessible to all
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
 investing in the
arts
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stimulate
Correct subject-verb agreement
stimulates
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 economic growth through tourism and creative industries.
While
Linking Words
 the other group of inhabitants argue that public funds should be spent
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 just the essential services
for instance
Linking Words
 healthcare and education, investing in the
Use synonyms
art
Fix the agreement mistake
arts
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enrich
Correct subject-verb agreement
enriches
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 society and strengthens national identity.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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that’s why I believe
in
Change preposition
that
show examples
,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
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 should allocate resources to
support
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 the
arts
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 alongside other critical sectors.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
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government
Add an article
the government
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 could benefit from the income and other positive things the
arts
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 would provide. I firmly believe that
art
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 has a positive impact on individuals and society .
Art
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require
Change the verb form
requires
show examples
support
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 to benefit from it., even a small proportion of
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 economy could bring more than what you were expecting. There is study
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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done
in
Change preposition
at
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 Cambridge University found that investing in the
arts
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 could enrich the
country
Change noun form
country's
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financial
Change the adjective
financially
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 and
national
Change the word
nationally
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.
To sum
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up
Add a comma
up,
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 both
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
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 have their own point of view and both are correct in some points . I think it’s important to have a balance between funding the
art
Use synonyms
 and other public services.

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task achievement
Try to have a clear introduction with a strong thesis statement. This can help guide the reader about your views clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with details. This will help improve your ideas and make them clearer.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. This could make your arguments stronger.
task achievement
You have attempted to discuss both sides of the argument, which is good for covering the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your opinion is stated, which is important for a balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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