IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the government should provide financial support to artists, such as painters and musicians, while others argue that it is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Introduction
Group of people convinced that the
government
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 should spend money to
support
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art
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 Group of people convinced that the
government
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 should spend money to
support
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art
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’s
works
Correct your spelling
artworks
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 and artists,
such
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 as painters and musicians
while
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 argue that it is a waste of money.
Body paragraph 1
In
this
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Correct your spelling
essay
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say
Add a comma
say,
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 I will discuss both views and explain my own opinion .
Body paragraph 2
The portion of individuals who encourage supporting
government
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 to the
arts
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,
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apply
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believe that
art
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help
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helps
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 with cultural preservation and societal development.
Government
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 funding the
arts
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 ensures that cultural heritage
maintained
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is maintained
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 and accessible to all
citizen
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citizens
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.
Additionally
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 investing in the
arts
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stimulate
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stimulates
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 economic growth through tourism and creative industries.
Body paragraph 3
While
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 the other group of inhabitants argue that public funds should be spent
to
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on
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 just the essential services
for instance
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 healthcare and education, investing in the
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art
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arts
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enrich
Correct subject-verb agreement
enriches
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 society and strengthens national identity.
Body paragraph 4
Therefore
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,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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that’s why I believe
in
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that
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,
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government
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the government
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 should allocate resources to
support
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 the
arts
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 alongside other critical sectors.
Body paragraph 5
Consequently
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,
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government
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the government
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 could benefit from the income and other positive things the
arts
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 would provide.
Body paragraph 6
I firmly believe that
art
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 has a positive impact on individuals and society .
Art
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require
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requires
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support
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 to benefit from it., even a small proportion of
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 economy could bring more than what you were expecting.
Body paragraph 7
There is study
had
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apply
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done
in
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at
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 Cambridge University found that investing in the
arts
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 could enrich the
country
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country's
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financial
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financially
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 and
national
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nationally
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.
Conclusion
To sum
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up
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up,
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 both
perspective
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perspectives
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 have their own point of view and both are correct in some points . I think it’s important to have a balance between funding the
art
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 and other public services.

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task achievement
Try to have a clear introduction with a strong thesis statement. This can help guide the reader about your views clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with details. This will help improve your ideas and make them clearer.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. This could make your arguments stronger.
task achievement
You have attempted to discuss both sides of the argument, which is good for covering the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your opinion is stated, which is important for a balanced discussion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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