Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Education plays a crucial role in the lives of individuals. Some people argue that

competition

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in school environments causes harm to students,

while

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others believe that competitive circumstances encourage

children

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to improve themselves. The following paragraphs will discuss both viewpoints and present my own perspective.

To begin

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with, the drawbacks of

competition

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can have a significant effect on

children

Use synonyms

, especially by increasing aggressiveness. When adults convince

children

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that they must always be winners, it creates invisible pressure on their minds and increases competitiveness.

As a result

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children

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may become isolated, separate themselves from others, or develop selfish personalities.

For example

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, a child who is always focused on winning medals might refuse to work with others and avoid communication.

This

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can lead to reckless

behavior

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behaviour

show examples

or even psychological issues.

On the other hand

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, if

competition

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is guided wisely, it can help students develop essential life skills.

Children

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are more adaptable than adults, so using teamwork-based activities is suitable for their development. Games organized by teachers can promote maturity.

Furthermore

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, teaching

children

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to cooperate

instead

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of only compete is a good approach.

While

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working in teams, students can learn valuable skills

such

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as teamwork, communication, and negotiation.

This

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also

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helps them build friendly personalities and a positive mindset.

For instance

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, a teacher can divide the class into two teams, explain the rules of a game, and give them a task that requires interviewing classmates and collaborating to find the correct answer quickly.

Such

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activities promote healthy

competition

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. In conclusion,

children

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are like blank pages, and adults have the responsibility to guide them with clear and thoughtful knowledge. I believe that

competition

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in academic environments, when used wisely, has more advantages than disadvantages.

quanngochuyen110Sat May 31 2025

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Task Achievement

Consider adding more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could provide more evidence on how competition affects children's mental health or provide successful examples from competitive environments.

Coherence and Cohesion

To improve coherence, ensure clear connections between ideas in each paragraph by using linking words like 'however,' 'moreover,' and 'furthermore'.

Coherence and Cohesion

The introduction could be more engaging. Try starting with a quote or a powerful statement to capture the reader's attention more effectively.

Task Achievement

The essay presents both views clearly and offers a personal opinion, which is essential for this type of task.

Coherence and Cohesion

The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint, and a conclusion summarizing your opinion.

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

280 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

undue stress
academic achievement
critical thinking
interpersonal skills
unhealthy rivalries
social isolation
bullying
reduced collaboration
motivation
achieve their goals
resilience
perseverance
innovation
improvement
outperform
higher standards

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Some people think that children should be taught to be competitive in school. Others, however, say that cooperation and team working skills are more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

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